


Moon and the Stars (I'll get them for you)

by suhossineun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Age Changes, Alternate Universe - College/University, Daddy Kink, First Dates, Heavy Drinking, Kink Exploration, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Kim Joonmyun | Suho/Byun Baekhyun, Sugar Daddy, baekhyun full of great bad ideas, best friends Kim Joonmyun | Suho/Byun Baekhyun, broke college kids, fancy suits and lots of money
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9639101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhossineun/pseuds/suhossineun
Summary: When Junmyeon's ex-boyfriend signs him up to a website to find him a sugar daddy, Junmyeon is apprehensive. Baekhyun's judgment just happens to be cloudy at best.But Sehun makes him take it all back. This really was Baekhyun's best idea after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on twitter @suhossineun if you ever want to chat about anything

Admittedly, Baekhyun has had better ideas. 

“See, it’s not so uncommon to do this,” his ex-boyfriend insists as he shows Junmyeon the website, scrolling through the pictures. The fact that Baekhyun has an account on the site already should seem alarming but, if Junmyeon has learned anything about the man over the course of their relationship and then friendship it’s that Baekhyun gets up to all sorts of weird things. This one isn’t maybe the craziest, but also not the best. Junmyeon is seriously judging Baekhyun’s life choices right now.

Even if he probably should judge himself even more for even allowing this to happen. 

“Look, Baekhyun, I don’t think I should be doing this-” he tries, but when does Baekhyun ever listen to him? 

Anyone watching the two of them would probably be quick to say that obviously their relationship was doomed to fail; opposites attract, but only so much and only to a certain degree. Byun Baekhyun is the most humorous, liveliest business management major to date on campus, popular among girls and boys alike, very much aware of his own sex appeal, the life of the party. Anyone and everyone gets overshadowed by his larger-than-life personality, and especially Kim Junmyeon who is a hard-working, earnest but shy. How they got around to dating one another seems baffling even to him, sometimes. This moment is one good reminder why it seems like it must have been a fever dream. 

“You should because you’re broke. You’re so broke that you only eat ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and are on the verge of not being able to pay rent. Because you work so hard for your grades already that getting a part-time job would literally kill you. That is why.” Baekhyun sounds sure of himself and why wouldn’t he; these are all facts. No amount of denial is going to turn that around. 

Junmyeon sighs and puts his head in his hands. He’s glad that Baekhyun at least chose to show him this scandalous website along with his even more scandalous idea in the privacy of his tiny flat instead of a café or the school library. He wouldn’t want anyone else to bear witness to his utter and complete disgrace. 

“So you honestly think that my best option is to get a sugar daddy?” he asks, his voice thinning out as the words ‘sugar daddy’ tumble from his lips. Those are words he never thought he’d have to say- and now Baekhyun is insisting that he should get himself one. He’d rather take in a wild Siberian tiger as a pet. 

“Yes, I do,” Baekhyun says matter-of-factly. “Jun, honestly, you’ve got nothing to lose. Nothing.”

“Except kind of my pride?” Junmyeon sighs again, and takes a glance at the website again. It looks like any dating site but this is not for dating. This is for people looking for sugar daddies and vice versa, and that a demand for such a site even exists is beyond him. This is the stuff of bad porn and manga, and Junmyeon has never seen himself as a lead in either one of those mediums. 

Baekhyun is smiling at him that quiet, fond smile that says that he’s genuinely concerned, and to this day it still makes Junmyeon’s heart flutter like crazy. It’s been well over a year since they became ‘just’ friends but some things just don’t change. He doesn’t have romantic feelings for him anymore but he does feel thankful that he could keep Baekhyun in his life even after they broke up; Baekhyun brings light even to his darkest days just by being there for him. 

“I just don’t want to see you suffer like this anymore,” Baekhyun murmurs, pulling him in for a hug. “I worry about you. Minseok worries about you. Jongin, too. You’re losing weight, you look so ill, you don’t smile anymore… And it’s killing us that we can’t help you out. Could you please give this a shot? Please?”

Junmyeon sighs and nuzzles Baekhyun’s solid, warm chest softly. He does know that his friends worry even despite him telling them otherwise. His landlord hiked up the rent a few months ago right after he fell out with his parents which left him entirely dependent on his scholarship which in turn meant that he had to watch over his GPA even more closely, and money has been tight ever since. He’s been looking for a job but finding one that wouldn’t interfere with his classes, and has flexible schedule and decent pay is not easy since all are already taken by others like him. His friends have done their best to help: they’ve treated him out to eat more often, brought him groceries even, but they’re not made of money and Junmyeon doesn’t want to borrow from them because that is one sure way to ruin friendships. 

“Fine, we can make me a profile,” he whispers and Baekyun harrumphs in delight, squeezing him tighter. “I knew you would listen to hyung!” he exclaims as he lets go of Junmyeon to turn back to his laptop and logs out to start over for Junmyeon. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Writing a profile to a site such as this proves to be embarrassing. All the questions about his preferences for his partner and their possible future relationship make him blush and squirm, even more so because Baekhyun is so ready to write his answers for him. “I know you just as well as you know yourself,” is his excuse as he happily spills things Junmyeon would have rather kept in between them. But Baekhyun doesn’t agree.

“You have to seem genuine and captivating,” he informs Junmyeon with a gentle boop on the nose. “So the more details there are the better. Trust me. You want someone who’s compatible with you, who wants the same things as you do, and you’re not going to get that if you’re not honest.”

Junmyeon squirms in his seat for a little bit before he finally has the courage to speak his mind. Baekhyun is not going to judge him and knows all the unsavory things about him that there is to know, but even so he’s embarrassed to ask this. “Is… Is sex a requirement?” he asks timidly. Baekhyun gives him a smile and a smooch on the cheek. “It depends on the person,” he responds. “You don’t have to worry about it if you just say no to everyone who insists on it.”

Finally they upload a picture of him. Not one that would show his face directly, but a picture of him from the back so that his smiling profile and his jet black hair are visible. It’s not enough for a random stranger to recognize him on the street but enough to suggest what he might look like in real life. Baekhyun says it’s perfect, and even if his judgment is clouded at best, Junmyeon trusts him. 

“Do report back if anyone contacts you,” Baekhyun says as he’s taking his leave at last. “Okay? Text me as soon as anyone does. I want to know every single detail. Most definitely no meeting up with anyone without my consent, alright! Hyung knows best.”

“Hyung knows best,” Junmyeon agrees before sending him off. 

He makes a point not to get back on the website that night. He doesn’t want to obsess over it, doesn’t want to wait for messages that are not going to come anyway. He has little faith in him gaining any popularity, and even less in finding someone he’d be even remotely interested in. But he does wonder if this could be the answer to everything- if there really exist people out there who feel the need to give money to others in exchange of their time and perhaps affection. Perhaps sexual favors too.

It sounds a lot like prostitution, except more exclusive. 

He goes to sleep uneasy about the whole thing, swearing he’s going to delete his profile if any weirdo at all approaches him.

But when he logs on the next morning, he’s in for a rather pleasant surprise.

He’s gotten a couple messages, all polite in tone and not as creepy as he had expected. He spends some time poking around their profiles but he’s not convinced he’s that into any of them. That’s fine; a gentle way to ease into this. He finishes his breakfast and texts Baekhyun to let him know that he’s had no luck so far.

*

Over the next week Junmyeon chats with a couple of guys and even one woman. They are all very nice; all older than him, for one, but also polite and mindful of his privacy. Clearly this site is not full of scary people preying on vulnerable youngsters in need of quick cash, or so Junmyeon tries to convince himself. It’s not so bad, but he doesn’t see it going anywhere further than that. He’s not just that into any of the people he talks to, and he confides in Baekhyun. 

“So why don’t you try messaging someone first, then?” Baekhyun suggests, pressing an ice Americano into Junmyeon’s hand. “That way you get to choose who you talk to. Pick someone you really feel drawn to. Hm?”

That makes an awful lot of sense, Junmyeon has to admit as he sips the drink through the straw. But it’s easier said than done for sure. He finds himself scrolling and scrolling through the site, reading through profiles and looking through pictures, and now he feels like a total creep indeed. Also he discovers that there really are some total nutcases out there- they just hadn’t approached him actively, so they had stayed hidden. He bristles and wonders if he really wants to do this after all.

One glance at the stack of bills he needs to somehow pay and then find money to also eat gets him back on track. 

This is still a lot easier than job hunting, so he’s got nothing to lose.

It’s on his last leg of energy that he finally, finally stumbles upon a promising candidate. He’s already so sleepy but the guy catches his attention; username oohse11. His profile picture is of him with his head turned to the side, the picture cropped right below his eye so that only the lower half of his face is visible as well as his broad shoulder and the expensive looking suit he’s wearing. He seems to be sitting in a car and his hair is its natural colour, also jet black like Junmyeon’s. It’s nondescript but it’s attractive. 

In his profile he has more pictures. Some are taken on trips to foreign countries, just landscapes, and then there are a couple mirror selfies. The man is tall, lithe but in a way that suggests he’s really fit, as much as Junmyeon is able to tell with the suits that he wears. His profile is just a list of hobbies and he says he has a dog and that he’s more than happy to send pictures of the puppy through private messages. That makes Junmyeon smile. A person can’t be too horrible if they want to talk about their puppy on a site such as this.

But of course that is not quite enough. Junmyeon has to take a look at the guy’s requirements, requests and the kink list. He’d rather keep up the false pretenses of this just being another dating site, but he can’t. There’s no point in messaging this guy if the things they desire are complete opposites of one another. He dives in with a heavy sigh.

‘First and foremost, I don’t require sexual intimacy to be a part of our relationship. At least not straight away, because I understand that building that trust can take time. But I do want to have your time and your attention, I want to spend time with you and enjoy myself. We don’t have to see each other every day, but I would like to be able to talk over the phone or at least text on the daily. Absolute honesty and communication are nonnegotiable. I’m not hiring you, I want to have a genuine relationship with you that we both find pleasure in. I will sometimes ask you what you’ve used the money I gave you for, or if you’d rather I just buy you things then we can do that too. My role can be anything that we both are comfortable with; a caring older brother, a boyfriend (eventually), a fuck buddy. Again, communication is key.’ 

Oh. Junmyeon frowns at the paragraph of text. That’s… that’s really nice. Really nonthreatening. He curls his toes and rubs at his eyes sleepily. Maybe his judgment is getting lousy because of how tired he is. But all in all, the guy seems great. Honestly, he does.

That probably means he has lot of people coming to him, too. Maybe he already has somebody and just hasn’t remembered to delete his profile. But he’s the first person he’s seen that he’s interested in, and as such it’d be a pity not to message him even once. Baekhyun would be so disappointed in him. 

So he clicks on the envelope icon on the guy’s profile, and types him a quick message.

[ junbunny ] 2:32AM  
Hi there!  
[ junbunny ] 2:33AM  
It’s really late I’m sorry but this is the time I have courage to do things like this so it can’t be helped  
[ junbunny ] 2:35AM  
By any chance are you still looking or…

It’s silly and he regrets each of the messages as soon as he has sent them, but there’s no delete option in the chat. Oohse11 doesn’t appear to be online and Junmyeon slams his laptop shut before placing it on the floor next to his bed and going to sleep. He’ll worry about it in the morning.

*

He doesn’t have the chance to check the site until he’s in class the next day. Sure he shouldn’t be on the site in the first place when he should be taking notes, but this professor is notorious for talking nonsense in class and everything they need to study for the midterm and the final is going to be on the textbook. So where’s the harm in not paying that much attention and doing something more… lucrative?

He’s spent too much time with Baekhyun as of late. Kim Junmyeon is a good student, a diligent student.

Apparently even a diligent student, who everyone takes for a total prude, can be on the hunt for sugar daddies just as much as the next person. 

To his surprise he has gotten a message back from oohse11. He certainly didn’t think he would, but it’s nice to know that he’s not the only one who checks his inbox on the regular. It makes him feel less desperate.

[ oohse11 ] 8:11AM  
good morning :)  
[ oohse11 ] 8:13AM  
I don’t mind the late hour don’t fret  
[ oohse11 ] 8:15AM  
I’m very much still looking and honestly, based on your profile, I’m really intrigued. You’re cute.  
[ oohse11 ] 8:16AM  
I prefer getting to know people in person rather than over a clumsy platform like this. How’s your calendar looking like?

The guy just called him cute, and suggest meeting up. It’s straightforward and rather fast, faster than what Junmyeon had expected, and he’s not sure if he should be alarmed. He had expected them to take their time messaging one another before even deciding if they want to meet in person… He frowns at the screen. Should he be totally creeped out?  
He screenshots the conversation and sends it to Baekhyun over his desktop kakaotalk. 

[ Junmyeon] 10:15AM  
is this creepy?? is this normal??  
[ Baekhyun hyung ] 10:16AM  
send me a picture of his face and I’ll decide then  
[ Junmyeon ] 10:17AM  
attachment: picture  
does that help  
[ Baekhyun hyung ] 10:20AM  
lots!!  
go out with him  
I can come to the same café and be your backup 

With that it’s settled. If Baekhyun thinks it’s not suicidal to say yes then Junmyeon might as well. He’s not sure why he assumes Baekhyun knows these things better because Baekhyun has never mentioned trying his hand at online dating, but then again Baekhyun has a lot of secrets. Baekhyun is loud and talks without a filter a lot but he gets up to so much that there’s no way to hear about even half of it. 

[ junbunny ] 11:01AM  
you’re flattering me  
[ junbunny ] 11:02AM  
this is quite fast but I have the afternoon off on Friday, how’s that?

He has to wait for a response for a few hours. It makes sense, the guy is probably at work and doesn’t have time to check his dating sites. He probably doesn’t want to, if he’s using a company computer. Junmyeon can’t fault him for that. 

He takes that time to complete his homework but also daydream about the man, imagine how he might be like. He’s obviously rich enough to be able to offer financial support to someone else like this, to be able to give money in exchange for someone’s time. Maybe he has inherited it all or maybe he works really hard at his own company. Maybe he works, given that he wears expensive suits and where else would he wear them but an office? 

Maybe he’s kinky. He must be. Why else would he be on the market for something like this? A man of that caliber shouldn’t find it unnecessarily hard to bring people into his bed, unless his preferences are less than traditional. Junmyeon swallows heavily and shifts in his seat to adjust the semi boner currently developing inside his skinny jeans. He could do with kinky sex, if he’s entirely honest… 

Maybe he has a spouse already, though. Maybe he wants to have someone on the side, to have a little fun. Junmyeon frowns down at the table. Is he going to be alright with that, if it comes down to it? Admittedly, it’s not his fault if the guy is cheating on his wife with him; it’s not him doing the morally wrong deed after all. But is he going to be willingly agree to be his partner in that crime? He’s not entirely sure. He hasn’t had to weigh these kind of moral dilemmas before. But if he’s lucky, the guy does not come with a wedding band on his finger. 

Eventually he gets a reply from oohse11, and he clicks it open with a shaky finger. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous; they guy is either going to say yes or no to the time he suggested, that’s all.

[ oohse11 ] 4:15PM  
Friday is fantastic. Say 3PM at Sinsa subway station outside of exit 8? I’ll snap you a picture of what I’ll be wearing that day in the morning so you’ll recognize me. Although I’m pretty tall so it shouldn’t be hard.  
[ junbunny ] 4:25PM  
but it’s Apgujeong you’re talking about, it’s full of good looking tall people haha  
[ junbunny ] 4:26PM  
I’ll be there! I’ll send you a picture of me as well then

It looks like he has a date for Friday, which is now three days away. He has three days to have a mental meltdown and figure out an outfit that he will feel good in. At least Baekhyun can help him with both of those things. 

[ oohse11 ] 4:30PM  
You’re right, but I’m sure your beauty will outshine everyone there anyway. I’ll see you on Friday.

*

Friday can’t come soon enough. Junmyeon is on edge for all of the three days that he has to wait for it. He does his best to focus on school work, but it’s surprising how easily your mind wanders when you should be reading but you’re more preoccupied with handsome strangers. 

He hasn’t messaged anyone new ever since oohse11 came along. He’s not sure how serious this deal is already; they’re meeting in person, which none of his other candidates have ever even suggested, but then, they haven’t messaged one another at all. There’s hardly any deal to speak of, honestly. Baekhyun would probably tell him to keep looking, keep fishing for all the fish in the sea, but Junmyeon is too much hung up on his mystery date. 

Baekhyun lends him some clothes from his closet, because Junmyeon hasn’t been shopping in a while and they both agree he should look his best for the occasion. That means the tightest pair of jeans he owns and man, they’re so tight he can’t even squat in them, an oversized white shirt from Baekhyun’s closet and a black velvet choker to top off the ensemble. 

“Are you sure it’s appropriate to even wear this in broad daylight?” Junmyeon questions as Baekhyun fastens the thing around his pale neck. “It looks like I’m going out to the club to get lucky, if anything.”

“Which is exactly what we want,” Baekhyun chirps and winks at him. “I’d put makeup on you but that might be overdoing it. But let me at least style your hair for you!”

Baekhyun tags along with him. The plan is that he will exit the subway first, wait until he spots the guy and text Junmyeon. From there Baekhyun will follow them to wherever they’re going, if possible, or loiter somewhere near so Junmyeon will be safe. You never know with people you’ve only ever talked to online. 

Baekhyun takes the escalator to the exit 8 and disappears from Junmyeon’s view as he walks out. Junmyeon stays at the bottom of the stairs, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously with his phone in hand. What’s taking Baekhyun so long?

[ Baekhyun hyung ] 3:05PM  
he just got here but BOY he’s fucking FINE  
fucking tall, all long legs and shit, handsome, shoulders broader than the pacific  
his suit must be worth your entire apartment  
get a move on he’s anxious

Junmyeon sprints into action, not wanting to waste another moment. Baekhyun is picky with his men and doesn’t typically give them such raving reviews. Clearly this one’s a real catch, then, if it’s got Baekhyun so excited. He doesn’t try to look for his friend when he finally makes it to the top of the escalator and instead turns his head around to try and spot his date. If Baekhyun could spot him so easily then he shouldn’t have any trouble either…

Indeed he knows right away when he’s spotted the right man. No man of that caliber would just loiter around near the subway exit for no reason at all, and the chances are low that it’s not him. He’s tall, that Baekhyun got right, but his words did no justice to just how gorgeous he is. Even though Junmyeon has only really seen one quarter of his face before, that jawline is unmistakable. 

He almost turns back around on his heels. He comes close to making that call. He has no business talking to someone as handsome as that. He’s so out of his league. Junmyeon is so average himself, he thinks; his face is symmetric, all easy slopes and elegant curves, but he’s short and skinny, his hair overgrown its original cut, and suddenly his outfit feels trashy. But before he can fight his way through the crowd to get back to the escalator the man makes eye contact with him and arches an eyebrow at him.

He walks up to him as if pulled there by a string, and he’s out of breath when he comes to stand in front of the finest specimen of mankind he has ever seen. The man is smiling down at him, his eyes bright and knowing, as he reaches a hand out to shake Junmyeon’s accompanied with a slight polite bow. Junmyeon tries to make an effort to bow down lower. 

“My name is Oh Sehun,” the man says smoothly, still squeezing Junmyeon’s hand in his. “Let’s go, there’s a café near here I want to take you. If that’s fine with you?”

Junmyeon just nods, his mouth suddenly dry, and then snaps out his daze. “I’m Junmyeon,” he says, and finally pulls his hand free. It’s early May and he’s not wearing a jacket and it’s good he’s not, his palms are sweaty as is. He hopes he didn’t gross Sehun out too much with that handshake. “Yes, we can go.”

Sehun smiles at him, clearly pleased, and offers his arm to him before they start walking towards Garosugil. The crowd is not too bad, and with the way that Sehun is walking, with purpose and confidence, people make way for them automatically. Junmyeon feels dizzy and hopes Baekhyun is able to keep up with them. 

“I hope you’re not too nervous,” Sehun’s low voice brings him back to reality. “You have no reason to be. I’m already terribly smitten by your cute face. You’re beautiful.” 

The compliment shouldn’t get to him so much, but it does. Junmyeon blushes pink and ducks his head, but the quiet snicker tells him that Sehun noticed anyway. “Thank you,” he murmurs. “I just… I just haven’t done this sort of thing before.”

“Met a stranger like this? Or do you mean the whole scenario of getting a sugar daddy?” Sehun sounds so casual when he says that, as if it’s not scandalous in the least bit. 

“Both,” Junmyeon squeaks, and Sehun laughs again. “I understand,” he croons as they turn left to Garosugil, weaving through the masses of rich tourists and Koreans alike. Sehun seems right at home, while Junmyeon hardly ever comes here at all. It’s simply too expensive for him; he hopes that Sehun is buying whether or not they decide to see each other again. 

They walk almost to the other end of the long shopping street before Sehun finally directs them up a staircase to a café called Minos. It’s a cozy little place, kind of hipster-y in a way that the chain cafes Junmyeon usually frequents aren’t. Sehun takes him to sit down at a table and asks him what he wants to drink. When Junmyeon requests he gets a caramel macchiato Sehun just nods and saunters over to the counter to order, and comes back with the tiny buzzer. 

“I ordered us something to eat too, I hope that’s okay.” Sehun is clearly used to making decisions, used to being in control, and Junmyeon can’t say he minds. 

“It’s more thank okay,” he agrees, clearing his throat and adjusting his choker. Baekhyun walks in through the door then but pointedly doesn’t look at Junmyeon as he walks up to the counter as well. Junmyeon makes it a point not to stare at him too long. 

The buzzer goes off and Sehun hops back up to go get the tray. They got drinks and a plate of churros to share, which makes Junmyeon smile delightedly. Sehun observes this with keen eyes. “Do you like sweet stuff?” he asks, to which Junmyeon nods eagerly. 

“I do, honestly. I really, really do.” He’s quite notorious for it- as well as for the fact that he still doesn’t gain any weight. 

Sehun nods and sips his coffee. “Noted. Now, would you mind sharing a bit about yourself? I’ll of course return the favor. Just to get the small talk started, you know.”

Junmyeon nods, wrinkling his nose as he thinks it through. He doesn’t want to overshare right off the bat. So he just tells Sehun the simple facts; he’s 21, he goes to university, likes building with Legos as a hobby when he gets the chance, enjoys Star Wars. Harmless tidbits that won’t turn against him, he hopes. 

Sehun is a good listener. He just nods patiently through it all, and his smile is friendly. He doesn’t give off any bad vibes, and Junmyeon knows that first impressions can be deceiving but at this point he can only try and trust his gut instinct. When he halts for a moment Sehun is quick to fill in the silence with words of his own. 

“I’m 27, believe it or not,” and his wink is playful, cocky. “I run a business together with a couple of friends I’ve known since I was in diapers. I also really like Star Wars and I’m pretty upset I still haven’t had the chance to see Rogue One. Spare me from the spoilers.” They both laugh and Sehun cocks his head to the side as he thinks about what he should say next. “I have two dogs. They’re big but friendly and pretty dumb as well. Keep me company and all that. I prefer staying at home over parties and white wine over red wine, and my favourite drunk food is ddeokbokki.” 

And that’s how they ease into comfortable small talk- it’s not any different from making new friends, Junmyeon finds, and before he knows it he’s already sharing more details about himself. There’s something about Sehun that says ‘you can trust me’. It’s easy, it’s nice, and time flies without him even noticing. 

Eventually Sehun reaches over the table to grasp his hand in his. His hands are warm, big, and Junmyeon can’t fight the blush coloring his cheeks. 

“We are here for a specific purpose,” Sehun begins, and his eyes are now a tad darker. “I love chatting with you but I am curious- what got you into doing this? Seeing that this is your first time doing something like this. Be honest, please.”

Something about the look on his face says that Sehun will be able to tell if he tries to get away with a lie. 

Junmyeon fidgets on his seat a little, twisting his coffee cup in his hands. He’s not sure if his reason for doing this is a good one, or if he even should reveal it at all, but his mind is blank. He will not be able to come up with anything believable, and he curses himself for not thinking of this beforehand. 

“I’m a poor college kid,” he murmurs with his head hanging down. “I can’t pay rent, or if I can I won’t be able to eat. My friend thought that this was worth a shot.”

He winces at how that comes out. It makes it sound like he’s not into this- not into Sehun at all. He doesn’t want that to be the impression he makes. “It’s not- It’s not like the idea itself isn’t enticing,” he hurries to add, looking up at Sehun now, trying to meet his eyes to carry across how sincere he is. Sehun is impossible to read. “I’ve… I’ve always had a penchant for… things of the unconventional kind.” He clears his throat. “It was my friend who convinced me to try because I would have never been daring enough on my own, but it’s not like I hate the idea. At all.” 

Sehun sips his coffee slowly before he says anything to that. “So you’re saying you’ve always wanted something like this, but you wouldn’t have been brave enough to venture into it if your situation wasn’t pressing enough?” he asks, and the way that he puts it sounds ten times more eloquent than what Junmyeon was able to do. He nods hurriedly to agree with the statement. 

“And have you thought about what you want the other half of the deal to be? Obviously one half is that I give you money and gifts, naturally- but what do you want apart from that?” Sehun seems calm, steady, and a part of Junmyeon craves to just climb into his lap to soak in more of that comfort. 

“I… I’m not sure,” he admits. “I mean, it would be nice to hang out, do things together, and- and I think, I think that I would like sex, too, once we get to know each other.” It took more out of him to say that than it should have, but at least it’s now out there. He really doesn’t know how these things work in practice, and so he’s not sure what would be a suitable answer. This is all he has.

Sehun nods and takes his hand again. “I would like to spend time with you as well,” he says, and the weight of his relief nearly has Junmyeon sagging spineless. “See, the thing is, I don’t have time for a regular relationship. I don’t have time to be always emotionally available. I don’t have time to devote myself to another person to the degree most people would want me to in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want something akin to it. I very much do… but dating is just too hard. Too time-consuming. But are you okay with that? Are you okay with me being detached and aloof, when I’m at work and don’t have time for you?”

Junmyeon nods before he knows it. “I’m busy too,” he admits. “Busy with classes- I can keep myself occupied- I don’t have to bother you constantly, or to have your attention on me at all times.” He’s not sure if Sehun means that he doesn’t want Junmyeon to get attached, but Junmyeon doesn’t want to make promises he’s not sure he can keep. 

It looks like his answer is agreeable enough. Sehun nods once more and squeezes his hand. “I think we’ll fit together really nicely,” he comments, and his smile invites butterflies into Junmyeon’s stomach. He knows he shouldn’t be so infatuated already, but Sehun is a natural charmer and there’s no helping it. 

They talk for a little while longer, talk about Junmyeon’s life and his recent hardships, talk about Sehun’s work and how he sometimes loathes how time-consuming it can be. It feels like there’s a connection there, and Junmyeon finds himself already looking forward to what will come out of all this. Sehun seems to agree with this.

“I know enough now to know that I want to enter this relationship with you,” he says as they’ve emptied their coffee cups and eaten all of the churros. “I know we didn’t really touch upon a lot of details, sex mostly, but I feel like it’s too early for that. Don’t you think? I’d rather we explore this all together, see what happens naturally.”

Junmyeon is a bit uncomfortable with that, mainly because he’s not sure what will happen if their sexual desires don’t match at all, and he still has a lot of questions in general. Sehun is attentive though, and his squirming catches his eye.

“If there’s something you want to ask me, you should say it now.”

“I just don’t know what you expect from me,” Junmyeon admits. “I told you a lot about what I want… But I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to wear certain things or regular sex or-“

Sehun shushes him gently. “I want you to be yourself, Junmyeon,” he says firmly. “Nothing else. I’m not going to impose on you things that you don’t want, or without your consent. I want to gain your trust, and do things together with you that you enjoy. I only need you. That is all.”

That seems too good to be true, in all honesty. 

They exit the café after exchanging phone numbers, and Sehun walks him back to the subway station. “Text me your payment information for your rent,” he says casually as they approach the station exit. “I’ll take care of your rent from now on. I don’t want you frowning so much next time we meet, okay?”

Junmyeon is floored. He stares up at Sehun with utter disbelief, which makes the older man laugh in his face. “You’re so cute,” he comments, reaching up to close Junmyeon’s mouth for him with steady fingers. “I’m truly going to enjoy spoiling you. Please text me when you get home safely, alright?” He leans in and presses a kiss on Junmyeon’s cheek before stepping away, and Junmyeon slips into the crowd and down the escalator with a confused wave of his hand. 

He’s so dazed that he even forgets to wait for Baekhyun to catch up with him, and is only brought to that realization when his phone rings in his pocket. 

“Wait for me for a hot second, will you?” Baekhyun barks into the phone before disconnecting. Junmyeon halts at the gates of the subway, his T money card in hand, and waits until Baekhyun emerges from the crowd sporting his widest grin yet.

“Give me all of the details, now.”

Junmyeon kindly obeys.

*

He texts Sehun about his rent once he gets home, although he does still insist that Sehun doesn’t have to do this. It feels absolutely wrong to have someone pay his rent for him; then again, as Baekhyun reminds him, what else did he expect to get when he signed up for a sugar daddy? But the thought of getting gifts and maybe Sehun’s card every once in a while to buy something nice sits better with him than all this. Gifts are normal even between friends, but his rent? 

“Look- This guy probably makes more in a month than you in a year. What’s your rent compared to that? Just drops in the ocean. Just be grateful. Get on your knees for him once or twice.” Baekhyun grins at him, before turning serious for a moment. “I take that back. This is not prostitution. Your deal with him can be whatever, but if it comes down to you feeling like you’re whoring yourself out and you’re not enjoying it, don’t do it. We’ll figure out something else.”

Baekhyun’s concern is really sweet, but then, maybe also hypocritical considering he’s also the one who got Junmyeon in this mess to begin with. But Junmyeon feels good about Sehun so far, and he wants to see what could come out of this. Sehun didn’t insist on anything sexual in nature so far, and Junmyeon feels content with that. If Sehun was keen on ensuring he gets laid, he probably would have been too impatient not to bring it up as soon as possible. 

He’s still not one hundred percent sure about all this, but he’s confident enough to continue. 

Sehun texts him back and tells him not to worry about his rent anymore and just focus on doing well in his classes. It feels so fatherly almost, and it has Junmyeon swallowing heavily a couple of times because hell- he has some unconventional preferences, and daddy kink just so happens to be one of those. It gets him a little hot under the collar to think about Sehun and himself like that. But he’s getting ahead of himself. 

[ Sehun ] 7:46PM  
Also do you think we could meet on the weekend? Sunday breakfast or lunch would be fantastic.  
[ Jun ] 7:59PM  
Sunday sounds nice!  
In Sinsa again?  
Or someplace else?  
[ Sehun ] 8:05PM  
I’ll text you when I’ve decided. Now make sure to eat a good dinner if you haven’t already :) I’ll call you tomorrow. I really enjoyed talking to you.  
[ Jun ] 8:06PM  
OK!  
sleep tight

“Wow, he really texts like a dad,” Baekhyun comments when he steals Junmyeon’s phone to look at it. “Proper punctuation and shit? He’s so proper it’s creepy.”

“Since when was having good grammar a bad thing,” Junmyeon huffs, snatching his phone right back. “Leave him alone, alright.”

“Touchy much,” Baekhyun teases and tickles his side, fully knowing how sensitive that is. “Alright. Do you still want me to come and stalk you two on your date or do we trust him?”

Junmyeon sends him an affectionate smile. For all the shit that Baekhyun gives him, for all the headaches that he causes, he’s deep down very, very caring and gentle. It doesn’t always show on the outside but Baekhyun really only wants to take care of him, wants him to be happy. 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I promise I’ll call you as soon as I get back to spill all the tea for you.” He walks Baekhyun to the door and gives him a tight hug before Baekhyun steps through the door. “I like it when you look out for me.”

Baekhyun huffs and ruffles his hair, but Junmyeon knows that he’s pleased. “Someone’s gotta look out for you, little shrimp,” he says. “Have a good night!”

But Junmyeon finds it hard to sleep that night, his mind flooded with ideas; images of Sehun, of him on top of him, touching him, undressing him. The harder he tries not to think about it the wilder they get, and it’s equal parts frustrating and extremely hot. Ultimately he has to admit defeat and stick his hand down his pajama bottoms to take his hard cock in his hand to stroke it, from the base to the tip and back again in quick flicks of his wrist. He’d finger himself if he had more patience, if he wasn’t so needy, but as is this is going to have to suffice. 

He comes hard and fast into his boxers, the sticky white substance clinging to his fingers and drying all icky in the fabric, but he’s much too lazy to do anything else at this point but grab a tissue to wipe his fingers and roll over to sleep. 

That is not to say that the same images don’t continue to haunt him in his sleep as well, and in the morning when he wakes up he could swear that he must have come again in his pants because that’s an obscene amount of cum just for one orgasm. 

Sehun calls him later that day and they talk for a good hour on the phone. It’s mostly about mundane things, but it’s comforting. It feels more personal, like he’s truly getting to know Sehun, and it’s calming to think that Sehun is not just some mysterious man he met online. It makes Sehun more human, more real, and with the way that he makes Junmyeon blush and giggle it feels like something good could really come out of this. 

They meet in Gangnam the next day. Sehun has by now told him that he lives in Apgujeong so it’s a short way for him, but Junmyeon has to make his way all the way from Hapjeong which does take some time. But Junmyeon is not going to ask Sehun to meet him in Hongdae; it’s not particularly Sehun’s style, he doesn’t think. And the café that Sehun takes him to that day really is fancy, not at all like the chain coffee shops Junmyeon usually finds himself in or even the place they went to on Friday. But the food is good and the coffee is too, so Junmyeon doesn’t have any complaints. At least he had the common sense to dress well for the occasion so he doesn’t feel terribly out of place. They joke and they laugh together and Sehun is most definitely flirting with him, something that he finds makes him absolutely giddy.

Afterwards Sehun steers him down the shopping street with a hand on his lower back. It’s an assertive touch but something Junmyeon could easily slip out of if he didn’t want it. But he finds himself only pressing closer to Sehun despite himself, leaning into his strong presence and under his strong arm. Sehun reaches further to place his hand on Junmyeon’s hip, tucking him close like that, and he seems terribly pleased with himself for this development. Junmyeon isn’t feeling as smug, but he does feel pretty content. 

“How about some shopping, hm?” Sehun suggests then. “Let me spoil you a little. Or do you not like shopping for clothes? Because I won’t drag you there if you hate such a thing.”  
Junmyeon is still somewhat struggling with the idea of Sehun paying for everything when they’re together. But then, that’s the whole fucking point. If he doesn’t let Sehun take care of him he might as well just go back to looking for a job and give up on this whole ordeal. Baekhyun’s voice echoes in his mind, stern, and he knows that he can’t let his hyung down this easily. 

“I don’t hate it,” he says with an easy smile. “I’m just not a fan of the Sunday crowd, you know. But then Gangnam is always this crowded.” 

“You’re right,” Sehun replies with a laugh, squeezing his hip tighter for a moment. “But the more expensive you shop, the less there are people. Let’s see if we can find anything that you’d like.”

By the end of it all they have several bags of various sizes, most of which Sehun insists to carry on his arm and Junmyeon is really starting to feel like a damsel in… well, certainly not distress. Sehun proves to have a keen eye for when Junmyeon likes something but is too shy to say it out loud, and so Junmyeon’s efforts to try and not be greedy were absolutely futile. Although apparently his coyness does make Sehun burst with both manly pride and joy; pride for being able to provide for him like this, and joy to see Junmyeon so happy even despite trying to be modest and grateful at the same time. 

It does but Junmyeon somewhat more at ease, seeing Sehun enjoy this so much. It sounds crazy but clearly there are people in this world who enjoy spending money on others- and still there’s not a word being said about repaying him, not a hint of anything sexual other than chaste kisses on the cheek and Sehun’s large hands constantly touching him, steering him. 

They make it back to Sehun’s car and Sehun turns to look at him, brushing his hair out of his eyes for him. “I could drive you home,” he offers. “I know that you might still be wondering if I’m a total creep and so getting in the car with me might feel scary, so I get if you don’t want me to. But I honestly would like to take you home. Spend just a little more time with you.”

Maybe it’s a trick, but if it is it works. Junmyeon finds himself saying yes before he has even time to reconsider, and so Sehun opens the door to his shiny Mercedes so Junmyeon can get in. He leans in over him to buckle Junmyeon in, and Junmyeon’s breath catches in his throat at the proximity; he has his face pressed to the side of Sehun’s chest, inhaling his cologne, and it’s entirely too arousing to be good for him. He’s almost dizzy when Sehun finally pulls away and shuts the door before rounding the car to get to the driver’s seat. 

Repaying Sehun in bed is starting to look like such a win-win situation for him. 

Sehun drives him home but doesn’t insist on walking Junmyeon all the way to the door. Junmyeon would probably say yes if he asked but perhaps it’s for the best that he doesn’t show Sehun where he lives exactly just yet. But Sehun does pull him in for a quick peck on the lips before sending him off, promising to text him over the week and make plans for the upcoming weekend. 

“We’ll do something more fun than eating and shopping, I promise,” Sehun says with a wink, and Junmyeon’s mind is instantly in the gutter resulting in an immediate blush. Sehun laughs and waves at him one more time before Junmyeon shuts the door and watches the man drive off.

He has a feeling that he doesn’t even know what he’s gotten himself into.

*

Sehun schedules for another date on the weekend. Junmyeon is excited to say the least; rationally he knows that he should consider doing more homework instead because June and finals are getting closer, but the deal is that he spends time with Sehun at his leisure. It’s not like he doesn’t want to kick back as well. 

The man asks to meet him at eleven in the morning, though, which doesn’t sound promising, not in the way Junmyeon had already imagined. That doesn’t sound even remotely sexy, and it makes him wonder just what is Sehun’s plan. Sehun insists on picking him as well, and Junmyeon has no choice but to agree.

[ Sehun ] 9:25PM  
Also please wear enough clothes so you won’t be cold even if we spend a while outdoors.

He’s not taking him hiking, is he? Rich older guys sure can be bizarre, but when Saturday rolls by Junmyeon does as he says and makes sure to wear a sweater even if it’s not really that cold out. Sehun is waiting for him in his Mercedes at the same spot where he let Junmyeon out last time, and he’s granted a kiss in greeting when he hops in.  
“Where are we going?” he can’t help but ask as Sehun turns on the ignition. Sehun’s smile is smug, like he enjoys knowing things Junmyeon doesn’t. It makes Junmyeon feel smaller, but not in a way that would be entirely unpleasant. 

“To Incheon,” he says, and he pulls off the curb. Junmyeon is stunned speechless for a moment because his thoughts go immediately to the airport. Sehun can’t possibly be taking him to the airport, can he? He would have told him to prepare for a trip if they were going out for one- right? He’s going to have to refuse anything of that nature, he really must, he doesn’t know Sehun that well and what if this is his attempt at kidnapping him?

No more caffeine for one Kim Junmyeon. 

“Where in Incheon?” he asks, making it a point to stare out the window to calm down a bit. He’s overreacting- but all of his efforts to wind down come to naught when Sehun’s hand comes to rest on his thigh, stroking the denim up and down with enough pressure to make shivers run along his spine. 

“You don’t like surprises?”

Junmyeon licks his lips and turns back to look at Sehun. Sehun is looking at the road intently, weaving through it towards the highway to get off the small streets. He looks serious, but Sehun has that kind of face that always does unless he’s really smiling. His eyebrows, his deep eyes, his small mouth- the slacks, the button downs and smart jackets don’t really help with the impression. Not only that but Junmyeon has a feeling that Sehun truly is a serious person, and it makes him wonder how well he’ll like the silliness Junmyeon possesses that sometimes comes bubbling to the surface.

“I like them just fine,” he admits finally. “But I’m really curious. There are a lot of places to go to in Incheon… the sea shore, the airport…”

Sehun laughs at this, the seriousness disappearing at once. “Both wrong,” he says, wagging his finger at Junmyeon. “Fine. Since you insist. I was thinking we could go to Chinatown. Eat lots of food, walk around… I hear it’s a very popular destination.”

Incheon Chinatown is the last place on earth he expected Sehun to say. Junmyeon has never been there so it’s not like he finds it boring, but it’s just surprising. Honestly he would have expected something totally different from someone as wealthy as Sehun, and so far Sehun has only lived up to that stereotype. They’ve only ever seen each other around Gangnam area, done things that he’d expect people to do in Gangnam. Chinatown seems like such… such a normal thing to do. Junmyeon could have gone there with any friend, any boyfriend, and he supposes he was only expecting extravagant things from Sehun. Things that would be way out of his own league. It’s a nice surprise to find that Sehun enjoys things that are all well in Junmyeon’s comfort zone. 

“It sounds really lovely.”

The drive takes a while, although at least they don’t get stuck in traffic. Sehun leaves the car near the closest subway station and they walk from there, entering into Chinatown through its massive, decorative gate. Junmyeon insists on taking pictures, which Sehun indulges in with a small smile; it’s probably something he considers a little silly, but at least he doesn’t comment on it. 

“It smells like white tea, here!” Junmyeon notes as they walk up the hill, and he can’t hold back his curiosity. “It looks like we really came to China!”

Sehun laughs again, and pulls him closer to him and they fall into step together. “It’s a little too tacky, from what I’ve seen of real China,” he muses. “Or maybe I just haven’t been to the right places. The business center of Beijing or Shanghai is bound to look a lot like Seoul and not at all like this… But you’re right, it does smell like white tea leaves here.”

Maybe it is a bit tacky. It’s definitely a Korean spin on China, and although there are Chinese characters everywhere, the menus outside the restaurants are fully in Korean and everyone speaks in perfect Korean as well. But the scenery is vastly different from anything he has ever seen in Seoul, so that’s at least something. 

At least there’s a lot to look at, and take pictures of. There are wall murals, explaining the history of the place, and also a plenty of different statues sprinkled around the area. When they climb up the hill to the statue of Confucius, Junmyeon turns around to take a look and is taken back by the scene that he sees; the town spreads out around them, and just right there, so close he could almost touch it, lays the ocean, shimmering and bright. The docks are also nearby, and there are a lot of boats coming and going. Islands rise from the sea and he wonders what their names might be… Maybe he’s looking at Kanghwado and doesn’t even know it. He knows history well, not geography. 

Sehun is the politest and most considerate date he has ever had. He makes pleasant small talk but doesn’t force it, allowing the silence to last when it’s comfortable. He tells story well but also asks about Junmyeon, listening earnestly to what he has to say. He’s not funny in the way that Baekhyun is- he’s not a clown, not a performer, but he has a quiet sense of humor that is witty and mostly focuses on making Junmyeon laugh as well as flustered. He snaps pictures of Junmyeon, claiming that they should have something to remember this by, and is always either holding his hand or has his arm around Junmyeon’s shoulders.

“You’re incredibly tiny,” he notes thoughtfully. “I need to make sure you eat enough.”

Junmyeon wrinkles his nose and nudges his elbow into Sehun’s ribs slightly in retaliation. “I’m not skinny on purpose, I just can’t gain any weight,” he huffs. 

Sehun makes his pout disappear in an instant with a stolen kiss on the lips. “I didn’t I say I don’t like it,” he says teasingly. “I really do enjoy it. The size difference. You’re really pretty, too. You’re perfect.” 

It’s the first time Sehun has so openly admitted to being physically attracted to Junmyeon since their first date, and he can’t stop blushing about it, already itching to gush about it with Baekhyun later. Sehun thinks he looks nice, Sehun likes him- physically at least, and given the details of their arrangement, that’s all that he should want. 

They wonder around the fairytale village as well; it’s an area right next to Chinatown with whimsical buildings, statues and paintings, all figures familiar from fairytales and princess movies. It’s picturesque and unique, and they have a lot of fun posing for pictures. Sehun is not shy to ask strangers to take pictures of them together for them, and Junmyeon is stuck between feeling like a shy school girl and just giggling himself silly. 

The realization hits him low in the gut that he might not be able to settle for just physical attraction after all. 

Their date ends with a delightful meal at a Chinese restaurant, after which they head back to the car to drive back to Seoul. Junmyeon feels pleasantly tired out, pleasantly warm and happy, and somehow he ends up even falling asleep in the car. Sehun doesn’t disturb his sleep until they arrive in Hapjeong; he kisses Junmyeon’s forehead to wake him up, which has Junmyeon speechless until his sleepiness dissipates a bit and he comprehends just where he is and what just happened. 

“Poor baby,” Sehun mutters, still cupping his cheek. “You must have worked really hard this week. I’m glad I could take you out to have a bit of fun… Please rest well tonight, please.”

Junmyeon nods, dazed, and leans in to brush his lips against Sehun’s chastely. “I will, don’t worry about it. Thank you for today… It was lovely. I enjoyed every moment of it…”  
Sehun steals another kiss from him before pulling back. “Good. Meet me for dinner tomorrow?”

Junmyeon nods despite himself, despite his homework pile waiting for him at home. 

Sehun’s smile makes it all worth it. “I’ll see you then,” he says softly as he undoes Junmyeon’s seat belt for him and pats his thigh. But then he pauses and reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet, and he takes out a stack of folded notes. He hands the entire stack over to Junmyeon without counting the notes, stuffing it into his hand. “A little pocket money. You do have to eat even when I’m not there to take care of the bill,” he claims with a wink. “Now, off you go. Fancy dinner tomorrow, formal wear, don’t forget okay? I’ll call you.”

Junmyeon stutters out thanks yous and you don’t have tos, but Sehun is having none of it and shoos him out of his car gently but firmly. “If you don’t take it, I’ll have to consider our arrangement to be terminated,” he says seriously although his eyes are glinting and the corners of his mouth tug upwards. “So keep the money if you want to keep seeing me. Eat well, alright? Something healthy. I want those cheeks rounding out, yeah?” The way his eyes flicker down to Junmyeon’s hips suggests that he’s not necessarily talking about his face. 

Junmyeon walks back home and sinks down on the bed. He feels a bit out of his own body- like the entire day didn’t happen to him, and he just returned from a very vivid dream into reality. Dating Sehun- spending time with Sehun is entirely different from what he’s used to, and maybe that’s why it still feels surreal. Their whole deal is surreal, honestly.  
He’s only truly dated Baekhyun in the past. Baekhyun was all cheap dates, low effort, staying at home; Junmyeon loved every moment of it, he really did, and in a lot of ways it suited his introverted personality a lot better than going out. When they did go out it was to go party with their friends in cheap bars or to drink at Han river nearby. They would eat fried chicken, buy booze from convenience stores, walk home tipsy and too cheap to get a taxi. 

It was cozy, and it was what all college students did unless they were made of money. 

Sehun is the exact opposite. He’s older, and he doesn’t do the things college kids do. He has money to do what he wants, get what he wants, and that’s the way he likes it. He likes being in control of what happens, Junmyeon realizes; he purposefully makes all the decisions and choices, doesn’t ask Junmyeon much, just tells him when to show up and what to wear. And Junmyeon likes that too, likes feeling small and pampered that way. But it does take some getting used to. 

He also doesn’t know Sehun very well yet. With Baekhyun he went from friends to lovers back to friends, but Sehun is still very much a mystery. Most importantly- he doesn’t know how Sehun is going to be like truly in private. In bed. He’s looking forward to it, but he has no idea what to expect. 

It’s exhilarating as much as it’s a little bit disconcerting. But he shouldn’t have signed up for this if he wasn’t ready for a bit of adventure in his life, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Junmyeon has to call upon Baekhyun’s help for his date with Sehun the next day. Not that he has a large selection of clothes to choose from for an occasion such as this, but even so. A fancy dinner date is foreign territory if anything, and he feels like that could escalate into a lot of things. He wants Baekhyun there to tell him it’s going to be alright and to just enjoy it.

Baekhyun doesn’t disappoint. He gets Junmyeon ready on time, does his hair for him and everything, and gives him the pep talk Junmyeon needed to hear. “He clearly likes you a lot already,” Baekhyun says, patting him on the bum fondly. “So just be yourself. Get a little tipsy. Flirt with him, tease him. Show him that you like his company. The rest is going to take care of itself, trust me.”

Baekhyun makes everything sound easy, always. Finals, coming out, getting his prostate examination done. It’s what Junmyeon likes about him, even if Baekhyun’s frankness also can lead to a lot of uncomfortable situations as well. 

Sehun comes to pick him up again, but this time he’s driving a different car. An Audi- every bit as sleek and new as his Mercedes, and that’s just about all Junmyeon can say about any car. The interior smells like he drove it out of the shop yesterday. Sehun tugs him in for a kiss when he gets in before telling him to buckle up.

“You look so handsome tonight,” he adds with a smug smile, like he’s pleased to have someone so good looking on a date with him. Maybe he is. Junmyeon is hardly anything else but arm candy anyway. 

But Sehun is handsome as well. He’s wearing a three-piece suit, the blazer unbuttoned, and his pocket square matches his tie. The watch on his wrist is big and clearly expensive, and he has styled his hair up, revealing his forehead and his stern brows completely. He’s an impressive sight, driving his car like this with sure hands and steady look in his eyes, and Junmyeon can feel the heat of arousal already heady in his groin.

“Not as handsome as you,” he manages, and Sehun laughs softly. “We can settle this very easily,” Sehun replies. “You’re beautiful, and I can be handsome. I think that’s a fair deal, so we don’t have to compete in the same category.”

This makes Junmyeon laugh out loud, even if at the same time the compliment makes him flustered as always. He does like being called pretty, cute, or beautiful; he knows that a lot of men would see such words as an attack on their masculinity, but he has never been able to feel that at all. 

The restaurant Sehun takes him to is lavish to say the least, and Junmyeon is sure he spots a couple of celebrities as they walk in. It’s sort of surreal, but he supposes money can get you anywhere fame can- and fame comes with money, so maybe it’s all the same. Sehun blends in anyway, with his looks and his presence that speaks of confidence and importance. Next to him Junmyeon is so small, but he finds that he doesn’t mind. It’s comfortable, to let Sehun take care of him, do all the talking, draw all the attention. 

Sehun also orders for him, saying that he’s already been to this place and knows what’s good, and he also asks for a bottle of wine like a true expert. Junmyeon is rather inexperienced with wine; drinking wine is not a wide spread thing yet in South Korea, and he prefers the typical mix of beer and soju anyway like most college kids do. But he doesn’t want to see uncultured next to Sehun and says nothing of it, although he can’t hide his grimace at the taste of the drink when they toast together. 

Sehun seems horribly amused, and he reaches over with a napkin to dab gently at Junmyeon’s lips over the table. “Not much of a wine fan?” he asks, teasing, stating the obvious, and Junmyeon shakes his head. 

“Just not used to it.”

“Ah,” Sehun hums, resting his hand over Junmyeon’s and his thumb runs over the bumps of his knuckles. “I understand. But really, is soju really that good either?”

Junmyeon has to admit Sehun has a good point. “I guess I’ve just gotten used to the taste of hand sanitizer,” he chuckles. “Although lately they have been coming out with all these flavored sojus, and honestly they’re really tasty. Too tasty, almost- but they’re not very suitable for mixing with beer, and then that’s a problem.”

Sehun laughs with him and it feels good. “I haven’t had any, I must admit,” he says, “you must introduce me to your favourites sometime. Make me feel young again, with bottles of cheap beer and way too many shots of soju.”

It’s startling to be reminded of how much older than him Sehun really is.

Their food comes, and again Junmyeon is a little out of his depth with the Western dishes. Hamburgers and other fast food things he’s well familiar with, but anything fancier than that is all a novelty to him. But Sehun doesn’t seem to judge, and conversation keeps flowing naturally. The wine Junmyeon keeps sipping definitely helps, although Sehun leaves it at just one glass; he has to drive still, he says, although he encourages Junmyeon to help himself to more.

Before Junmyeon knows it, he’s already tipsy. His cheeks are hot and he knows he’s flushed pink- it’s unavoidable every time he drinks. Sehun just smiles at him and makes him drink a couple of glasses of water, praising him for how good he is for listening to him so well. 

The arousal in his gut only gets more insistent. 

Once they finish their meal Junmyeon feels a lot more open to showing Sehun affection. He hangs off his arm and leans his cheek against his shoulder, and Sehun doesn’t seem to mind one bit as he steers them out of the establishment. It’s not late at all yet, and Gangnam is as busy as can be; some things just never change. They stand outside for a bit and Sehun pulls out his e-cig from his pocket casually as Junmyeon tries to breathe deep and clear his head. 

It doesn’t quite work, but oh well. 

“The night’s too young to end here,” Sehun comments, and Junmyeon thoroughly agrees with fervent nods of his head. “Would you mind coming over to my place? I can send you home in a taxi, if you don’t want to stay the night.”

Junmyeon thinks hazily that there’s no need to worry about such a thing. He already wants to stay the night, preferably naked and in Sehun’s bed. But at least he has enough class not to say that out loud, and they get in Sehun’s car to drive off towards Apgujeong. 

Sehun’s apartment turns out to be everything Junmyeon expected it to be. It looks like the apartments you see in dramas; in fact, for all he knows it could be the exact replica of the interior design of the goblin and grim reaper’s house in Goblin. It looks fancy, but also cozy, lived-in; it’s not just a cut-out from a magazine but an actual home. Sehun tells him to kick off his shoes and take one of the extra pairs of slippers he has at the doorway, and leads him into the living room with a heavy hand resting on the small of his back.

Sehun pours them more wine, and Junmyeon is already tipsy enough that the taste has stopped bothering him greatly. Sehun sits down on the couch really close to him and drapes his arm over Junmyeon’s shoulders, holding him close like that. After a couple of sips of the wine Sehun presses his face into Junmyeon’s hair, and Junmyeon can feel his lips peppering kisses there. It has his heart beating faster in his chest in excitement but at the same time it feels good. He wants this, wants more of it, even though he doesn’t know exactly how to ask for more. He lays his hand carefully on Sehun’s strong thigh, stroking it up and down and Sehun spreads his legs a little bit, wordlessly welcoming the touch, inviting Junmyeon to explore. 

“I really, really enjoy spending time with you, Jun,” Sehun murmurs, nuzzling his hair. “You’re so… cheerful. So pretty to look at. When you smile, when you laugh. And you laugh a lot.”

And how could he do anything but laugh at that too, laugh softly and tilt his head up to ask for a kiss that he’s willingly granted as well. 

They drink more wine, kiss more, touch more, talk idly, but the entire time Junmyeon has this feeling that Sehun is waiting. Waiting for him to make a move- to leave, or to stay. To show what he wants. That Sehun is holding back, for his sake, to give him space to do what he wants. It’s kind of endearing, too, and it makes him all warm with affection. His hand wanders up higher and higher on Sehun’s muscular thigh until his pinky is brushing against the apparent bulge in Sehun’s slacks. 

Sehun shifts, spreads his legs further apart still, eyes heavy on Junmyeon. “Want your lips on my cock so bad,” he says, his voice dropping in pitch and Junmyeon instantly feels the swoop of want in the pit of his stomach. “Want it so bad, you have no idea.”

Junmyeon has always been eager to please, sensitive to cues such as that, and so he sets his wine glass down on the coffee table and drops on the floor on his knees. Sehun draws in a loud breath but doesn’t stop him from sliding up in between his long, lean legs and pressing his face to his crotch, nuzzling his bulge. He can feel Sehun’s cock jump to attention, can feel it slowly stiffen underneath the layers of fabric, the heat against his cheek. 

They’re both too tipsy to do this in any sort of graceful way. Junmyeon makes quick work of Sehun’s pants and underwear, pulling them down enough to gain access to his cock, and the first kittenish licks have Sehun groaning and tossing his head back, his long pale neck a beautiful curve and his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows. Sehun’s free hand, the one not holding his glass, slips into Junmyeon’s hair and guides him down, urges him to take in more, and he praises Junmyeon generously for each inch he swallows in his hot, eager mouth. 

Sehun is big, Junmyeon realizes, he can’t fit all of him in his mouth even though he really wishes he could. His hand gently caresses Sehun’s balls, his other hand holding his cock steady at the base. He hopes he’s doing an okay job, and Sehun looks like he’s thoroughly enjoying this. 

Suddenly Sehun extends his leg out and it slides in between Junmyeon’s thighs, pressing against his cock that’s already throbbing hard in his pants. “Gonna cream your pants for me? Just from sucking my cock?” Sehun asks, and his words have Junmyeon keening softly around his cock. Dirty talk, one of his many weaknesses. 

It’s sloppy, every bit of it; the way he bobs his head, how saliva runs down his chin and Sehun’s shaft, how he ruts against Sehun’s leg like a dog in heat. His jaw hurts and his lips tingle, probably swelling red already, and he aches to have something better on his cock but at the same time the friction he gets now is too good to give up. Sehun is shamelessly grunting and moaning, his hips canting up and down slowly although he lets Junmyeon set the pace instead of fucking his face.

Junmyeon comes first, embarrassingly enough, in his pants with nothing but Sehun’s leg giving him any stimulation at all. He mewls and gasps and whines, and Sehun’s eyes turn even darker as he gazes down at Junmyeon, the way he’s so helpless in the middle of his orgasm. Sehun pulls his cock out of his mouth and jacks it with quick twists of his wrist, until he comes in hot thick ropes all over Junmyeon’s face and tongue, hissing under his breath as he does. 

They’re both panting heavily, but Sehun doesn’t take much time to recover before tucking himself back into his pants and then lifting Junmyeon into his lap. “Such a good boy,” he murmurs, kissing Junmyeon despite the spunk of his face. His underwear is soaked wet and uncomfortable, and he whines quietly into the kiss as the fabric rubs against his oversensitive cock.

“My pretty Jun,” Sehun continues to coo as he lifts him up and carries him into the bedroom. Sehun lays him on the bed and quickly undresses him although Junmyeon tries to resist, tries to insist that he can do it himself, and Sehun even goes as far as to wipe him clean with a towel that he fetches from the ensuite bathroom. He gets Sehun’s sweater and his boxers to wear, and while Junmyeon wriggles his way into the borrowed clothes, Sehun gets changed as well. 

Junmyeon falls sleep quickly after that, relaxed and exhausted from the alcohol and his orgasm alike. Sehun is not holding him too close but his arm is over and around Junmyeon, touching him enough that he knows he’s not alone, and it’s so comfortable and so safe that he has the best sleep he’s had since the last time Baekhyun insisted on cuddling him to bed. 

*

Junmyeon wakes up alone the following morning to the sound of his alarm clock. The other side of the bed is cold when he extends out an arm to touch the sheets, and when he ventures out into the apartment Sehun is nowhere to be found. There’s a note on the kitchen table, handwritten and neatly signed as well. 

“I had to head to work. I figured you would have an alarm set up for whenever, so I didn’t wake you up. I’m sure you’ll find your way out. Feel free to help yourself to breakfast before you go. I’ll text you. 

-Sehun”

He figures that’s fair. Of course Sehun had to be at work on a Monday morning, and honestly Junmyeon appreciates that he didn’t wake him up at the break of dawn just to tell him that. But it does feel a little lonely waking up like this… It is then that he realizes that indeed, he also has somewhere to be today- class. His alarm went off as it normally would, which is not taking into account that he’s in a totally different part of town than he ought to be. It’s easily an hour long bus ride from Apgujeong to where he needs to be in Hongdae, which would usually be only a brisk 20-minute walk from where he lives. 

“Fuck!”

No breakfast for him, then. 

He doesn’t make it to class in time for the beginning of it, especially because he had to first go home to change into something that didn’t quite scream ‘walk of shame’ the same way as his fancy suit did. He slides into his seat ruddy in the face and out of breath, mumbling apologies to the professor as he does. He’s going to have to be more thoughtful in the future, if he plans to stay the night in Sehun’s apartment.

He meets up with Baekhyun, Jongin and Minseok for dinner that evening once they all make it through their classes. Baekhyun has already spilled the beans to the other two; he’s a firm believer in no secrets between friends, and he only keeps quiet about the things he’s specifically told not to tell anyone. Suppose Junmyeon forgot to make it clear that his arrangement with Sehun was one of the things to keep his mouth shut about. 

“How was your date?” Baekhyun leers as soon as they’ve sat down in the restaurant and ordered food. Junmyeon just knows that a vague answer is not going to cut it. Baekhyun always wants the dirty details of everything.

It’s not like they have much to hide between the two of them. They did date, after all. Baekhyun has touched every part of him, seen him in all sorts of situations and moods. Baekhyun knows things about him no one else does, namely his unusual preferences in bed… Not that Junmyeon doesn’t know all of these things about Baekhyun in turn.

But Minseok and Jongin, they don’t need to know quite as much. 

Junmyeon fiddles with the utensils and fidgets in his seat, trying to buy time. Minseok gives him a curious look over the table, and Jongin looks intrigued as well. Shit. Who would have guessed having sugar daddy was so fascinating to people not part of the deal?

“It was great,” Junmyeon admits then. There’s really no way around it. “We ate at some fancy restaurant, drank expensive wine… Which I really despised the taste of, and made a total fool of myself because of that, but he was gracious enough not to bully me too much for my underdeveloped, cheap taste.” 

“And?” Baekhyun presses, leaning over the low table as if his gaze alone wasn’t intense enough. 

“And he drove us to his place to drink more wine,” Junmyeon continues. “And I stayed the night.” A vast understatement for what actually happened. 

Baekhyun catches on that as much, and he hoots and claps his hands loudly enough for every customer in the restaurant to turn to stare. “Atta boy!” he cheers, reaching for a high five Junmyeon doesn’t return. But Baekhyun is not at all put off by that. 

Junmyeon blushes immediately. “We didn’t have sex together!” he hisses as quietly as he can to avoid anyone hearing. At least no one’s sitting nearby. “Or, like- not intercourse anyway.”

Baekhyun’s shit eating grin does not go away with that, and Minseok and Jongin are leering at him just as knowingly. “So you did get laid anyways,” Jongin says and claps him on the shoulder. “Good boy. Hyungs are proud of you.” 

Like always when Jongin refers to himself as Junmyeon’s hyung, Junmyeon is tempted to point out that there’s literally no reason for that to be a thing. Jongin was born the same year as him but in January, while Junmyeon was born in May. They’re technically the same age, even if Jongin did go to school the year before him. But he’s not really his hyung the same way that Minseok and Baekhyun are. Technically he doesn’t have to call Jongin hyung. 

But like always, he’s kidding no one. Everyone knows he loves being the maknae, loves his friends being older than him, and has zero problems to call Jongin hyung especially when it means he’s going to get the special treatment only maknaes do. He’s lucky that all of his friends adore him enough not to put him through the hardships of being the youngest and instead just compete in pampering him, spoiling him rotten. 

“It’s better to leave him wanting more, too,” Baekhyun points out sagely. “I mean yeah, I guess you’re supposed to be kind of easy, but like, there’s a good way of being easy and a bad way of being easy. You know?”

That raises Junmyeon’s hackles immediately. He glares at Baekhyun, his lips pressing into a thin line. “And what’s that supposed to mean? Are you calling me a slut?” he asks, and it’s hard to keep his tone down. They come to this place often, and he doesn’t want things to get awkward in case someone overhears. “I’m supposed to be ‘easy’?”

Baekhyun winces visibly, clearly having caught on how wrong that came out. “Not what I meant, Jun- I just, I just meant that you’re not exactly dating so your situation with him is different and he may expect you to put up a lot sooner than if he was actually dating you, so--” 

“May I remind you that this was your idea? So if you think that I’m a slut, it was you who put me up to this.” Junmyeon feels hurt, and he can’t quite pinpoint why. Baekhyun is not wrong but at the same time, it feels like he’s implying things. Maybe it’s not just Baekhyun either. Perhaps both Jongin and Minseok feel the same way, that he’s sleeping with Sehun and getting paid to do so. 

He’s not one for slut shaming, and how early into the relationship people fuck or don’t fuck has never concerned him, but it does sting to be called ‘easy’ to his face. The connotations are not nice. 

Jongin rubs his back gently, trying to soothe him. “No one thinks you’re a slut,” he says. “That is not it. Baekhyun hyung just really, really should have thought that through before he said it. Your sex life is none of our business for as long as he’s not hurting you.”

Jongin has always been a lot more mature than his youthful looks would suggest. But Junmyeon still doesn’t feel quite placated, and he refuses to look at Baekhyun for the rest of the meal and only gives him snippy answers. Baekhyun, being the annoying person that he is, refuses to let him be and simply allow this to pass, and tags along to follow him home after they’re all done eating. Junmyeon says nothing of it but purposefully walks as fast as he can to make it back to his apartment, not waiting around of Baekhyun or checking if he can keep up. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Baekhyun’s voice is soft, gentle, as he speaks up as soon as the door closes behind him. “I’m sorry, Jun. I didn’t mean it like that. You know I don’t judge people for the sex that they have, I really don’t, I was just…”

“Just what?” Junmyeon snaps as he throws himself on the bed. His one-room apartment is entirely too small for a couch, so his bed serves as one. Baekhyun remains standing by the door. 

“Just talking my head off,” Baekhyun sighs. “Trying to be supportive. Like, yay, it’s great that you guys did it, following that line of thought. I guess I was trying to make sure that in case you felt unsure if you did it too soon, then I’d put those worries at rest somehow. Or if you were worried you should have done more. Whatever. I just didn’t want you to feel bad… and then I made you feel bad.”

He does look sorry, and Junmyeon understands. He knows that Baekhyun is not like that; he doesn’t judge, and only wants Junmyeon to be happy. He knows all this. But he realizes that the hurt is coming from within; the words hit so hard because he was already feeling bad. From the start he felt like this was mostly glorified prostitution, and he supposes that Baekhyun’s words just served as a reminder of that concern. That he’s not entirely alright with it, if that’s what this is. 

Even though he knows that Sehun does not see him as a prostitute at all- or if he does, he has concealed that well so far. 

“I was just talking without thinking and it came out wrong.” Baekhyun’s whole posture has slumped; he’s usually so confident and so sure of himself that Junmyeon doesn’t remember the last time he saw him like this. Maybe when they broke up. “I’m really sorry, Jun.”

Junmyeon doesn’t have it in him to be mad any longer. He clears his throat and gestures for Baekhyun to come to him. “I know,” he replies. “I know. You were trying to say that, in case I felt regretful that I did it so soon, I had no reason to worry, and in case I regretted I didn’t do enough, I still had no reason to worry. But you should have thought about the way to word it first.”

“Exactly,” and Baekhyun sounds so grateful as he falls into bed with him and pulls him to his chest, hugging him tight. “You read my mind like always.” He covers Junmyeon’s face in kisses, holding him closer. The physical affection in their relationship didn’t change much even after they broke up; they haven’t had sex since then, but the rest stayed the same which Junmyeon has always been grateful for. 

“Hyung only wants to see you happy.”

Yet Junmyeon does wonder if he can be happy if he still feels ashamed of what he has with Sehun. It’s not Baekhyun’s words that hurt him but the doubts he has inside, and he’s going to have to make peace with that somehow. He just doesn’t know how exactly. 

*

A couple of weeks pass in a similar vein. Sehun texts him or calls him a couple of times during the week and takes him out to eat on the weekends. He doesn’t always take Junmyeon back to his apartment afterwards, and even when he does they don’t go beyond making out and blowjobs. It’s satisfactory, Junmyeon thinks as he’s spacing out in one of his lectures. It’s fun, it’s casual, and he gets off regularly thanks to it. He supposes that’s all Sehun wants out of the whole arrangement anyway. 

He shouldn’t complain. The money’s good. Sehun loves spoiling him, loves taking him shopping, and the thick wads of cash come regularly. Sehun never makes a big deal out of it, and Junmyeon gets the money whether or not he’s gotten Sehun off. It does ease his doubts about this being prostitution a little bit, but he wonders… 

Sehun has something special in mind for them for that Friday. “I’d like it if you could come with me to this event,” he says over the phone. Junmyeon is laying on his bed in just his underwear, trying to get through his readings for one of his classes. He’s not upset about the distraction however, because he was starting to nod off. Plus, it’s always nice to listen to the low timbre of Sehun’s voice, the way that his tongue curls around his s sounds so carefully like he’s cautious of very one of them. 

“What kinda event?” Junmyeon asks, kicking his legs. “A charity dinner,” Sehun responds, and he sounds bored just thinking about it. “Trust me, I have zero interest to waste my Friday night on that, but I have to keep up pretenses. Be the face of the company and so forth. Would you come with me and make it more bearable?”

Junmyeon wouldn’t say no to Sehun even if he felt like he could. 

It’s a super dressy event, Junmyeon finds out when Sehun sends him a tailored suit for the occasion. It’s Armani, and Junmyeon suspects Sehun had a lot to do with the way the slacks hug his thighs and his ass, and how the shoulder seams of the blazer fit his shoulders to a t. He looks incredibly sharp in the suit, and after he brushes his hair up and away from his forehead he looks almost unrecognizable. The fancy watch Sehun has given him earlier fits the whole ensemble nicely, but Junmyeon decides to spice things up with the same choker he wore to their first date at café Minos. It makes him look every bit the sugar baby and the arm candy that he is, and he kind of likes the aesthetic. 

Sehun blatantly does a double take when he sees Junmyeon. Sehun isn’t driving tonight, and instead he has a driver behind the wheel so he can slip into the back with Junmyeon. Sehun’s hands are already restless, stroking his back and patting his bum, caressing his thighs. 

“I knew it’d look amazing, but my imagination didn’t do you justice,” he whispers in Junmyeon’s ear as the roar of the engine and the noise of the traffic around them gives them a thin veil of privacy. “I was planning on getting as tipsy as is socially acceptable, but now I maybe don’t have to. I can just stare at you all evening.”

Sehun’s compliments boost his confidence, and his steady hands on him ground him as they enter the venue, but that doesn’t mean Junmyeon still doesn’t feel like fish out of water anyway. He’s dressed every bit as fancy as everyone else, but he can tell that it’s like second skin to them. To him this is just dress up, an exciting role play where he gets to pretend rich and important for the night. 

He’s had his share of ordinary, casual dates with Sehun, but somehow it always comes back to this. Comes back to Junmyeon being a broke college student in a world where he doesn’t truly belong to. 

They have assigned seats at one of the many round tables at the venue, but Sehun wants to mingle first. Junmyeon just nurses his glass of wine while trailing behind Sehun, smiling amicably to the people Sehun introduces himself to but making sure not to engage too much because he doesn’t know what Sehun would want him to say. These people would surely think it odd if they found out Sehun is here with a college kid, not to even mention the other details of their arrangement. 

Sehun was right about one thing though. The whole thing is boring as all hell. Once they sit down, the speeches start, and not even the food is quite enough to offer entertainment. They’re seated together with people at least twenty years older than them, and the topics of the conversation only concern things Junmyeon has never heard of.

He can tell Sehun is trying his best to make it better. His hands wander beneath the table cloth, stroking Junmyeon’s thigh, and he leans in for small snippets of chit chat when he can. They both agree on getting tipsy to survive this ordeal, and that at least helps to keep the mood up. 

This is most definitely not a date- or if this is, it’s the most mind-numbingly boring Junmyeon has ever been on. 

But it’s kind of okay, he thinks as he glances at Sehun. He does kind of like this- being here as Sehun’s arm candy, to keep him company, to be pretty to look at. He just wouldn’t want to do this too often.

At least all things have to come to an end, even charity dinners, and when they get up to say their goodbyes and to take their leave, they’re both definitely more than tipsy. Junmyeon can feel how hot his own cheeks are, and while Sehun is holding it in very well, there’s a sway to his steps that isn’t usually there, broadness to his gestures. They make it to the car, Sehun’s hand busy groping his ass, and they fall in laughing as Sehun tells his driver to take them to Sehun’s apartment. 

The wine is probably to blame for how bold they get in the car, making out. Sehun has him hard and needy long before they make it to Apgujeong, Sehun’s large hand rubbing against the front of his pants with intent despite how Junmyeon tries to whine and squirm away from it. He’s even wobblier on his feet when they get out thanks to the heady arousal further clouding his focus, and Sehun is more than happy to guide him inside. Sehun’s larger frame is such a turn on when he uses his strength to direct Junmyeon where he wants him, and Junmyeon blurts out as much to Sehun. The light in Sehun’s eyes grows even darker with that, and instead of sitting him down in the living room he takes Junmyeon straight to the bedroom. 

Before long Sehun has him naked and writhing on the bed beneath him, and Junmyeon absolutely doesn’t mind this. He’s been ready for this for a while now, and wouldn’t have known how to initiate this himself. Sehun’s hands are everywhere as his mouth trails hot over his alabaster skin, scorching marks on his torso and thighs. 

“So beautiful. So gorgeous just for me, baby.” Sehun sounds tipsy but sincere, and Junmyeon aches for even more of him. It’s especially the pet name that has him weak, and the tip of his tongue already curls around the syllables but he swallows them back hastily, frightened. But Sehun is not done with him, and goes down on him to eat him out with no hesitation whatsoever. No one has ever done that to him, and Junmyeon moans loudest yet, overwhelmed by the sensation. His hands scramble for purchase in Sehun’s hair while Sehun’s hands hold him open, his thighs spread out as far as they go, his flexibility being put to the test at last. 

Neither of them has the patience to prolong the foreplay, and Sehun preps him fast for the rest of the way. It doesn’t take much, as Junmyeon is already pliant from the wine and needy. He keeps urging Sehun to give him more, begs him to go faster, his voice catching on the word threatening to slip out and Sehun takes notice probably because he has heard it before, has wanted to hear it from him. 

Sehun rolls the condom on and flips Junmyeon over on all fours, but instead of thrusting into him he lets his cock slide along Junmyeon’s perineum, bump against his balls. It’s maddening and Junmyeon is almost in tears with how much he wants, with frustration, and Sehun drapes his larger frame over him as his fingers slip into his hair, yank his head back so his back bows prettily. 

“Say it,” he whispers hotly into Junmyeon’s ear. “Let me hear it. Say it out loud, baby. Call me daddy.” 

Junmyeon doesn’t need to be told twice, and he shudders from head to toe with pleasure and desire. These things should ideally involve more in depth conversation first, but hell- he’s wanted to say it, has been craving for it, and he’s not going to refuse Sehun. 

Sehun holds more authority over him than he even knows. 

“Daddy, please,” he sobs, rocking his hips back as much as he can. “Daddy please, give it to me… want you so bad, so so fucking bad.”

Sehun would probably tease him more under normal circumstances, but as it is, he doesn’t want to hold on any longer either. It’s all dirty and slobbery after that, the way that Sehun fucks him; Junmyeon can tell he’s going to bruise and ache come tomorrow morning, but it only excites him further. There’s no finesse to what they’re doing but Sehun still knows what he’s doing, slamming into Junmyeon at the most perfect angle and pulling the young man apart with ease, like he could do this all day and not get tired of it. 

Junmyeon moans louder, higher in pitch, a mix of Sehun’s name and daddy tumbling from his lips, and when Sehun’s hand slips around him to jerk his cock he’s gone in a flash. He only stays upright thanks to the grip Sehun has on his hips, and Sehun reaching his own orgasm barely registers in his foggy brain. 

They don’t have the energy to clean up afterwards, as gross as it is, and they fall asleep just like that, sweaty and curled up together. Sehun’s broad shoulders and chest make for a comfortable spot for Junmyeon to rest on, and his arms fit perfectly around Junmyeon’s slim waist.

The conversation comes the next morning over breakfast. Junmyeon wakes up later than Sehun as always, because Sehun doesn’t believe in sleeping in even when it’s his day off. Breakfast is already on the table when Junmyeon pulls himself out of bed, slightly hungover and muscles sore, pulling on a t-shirt from Sehun’s closet because he doesn’t feel like bothering with his dress shirt. Sehun is there, sipping on coffee, reading newspapers on his tablet with his black rimmed glasses perched on his nose, and he looks up with a smile. 

“Morning,” he greets and Junmyeon returns it with a sleepy mumble. He helps himself to coffee and sits down opposite from Sehun to dig in; Sehun has already dished out food for him, rice, jjigae, fish, some side dishes. He knows by now that Sehun doesn’t cook a lot himself because he’s always so busy and winds up eating out, but he always serves Junmyeon breakfast when he stays over. 

They sit in silence for a while and Junmyeon is more than happy with that. He needs caffeine in his system to feel awake- typical college student syndrome, and he’d be the first to admit he’s totally addicted to coffee. Sehun indulges him and doesn’t look up from the device until Junmyeon gets up to pour himself another cup. 

“About last night,” Sehun prods gently, although his smile is a bit devious and the tilt of his eyebrows for once is not so severe. 

Junmyeon instantly knows what he’s referring to, and flushes pink immediately. He’s not embarrassed, has been through this with Baekhyun in the past, but it does get him slightly flustered. Especially with the way Sehun is staring at him over the table. 

“First, I didn’t mean to properly fuck you for the first time when we were both drunk,” and he sounds slightly apologetic. But Junmyeon shakes his head and waves his hand dismissively. 

“It’s fine,” he’s quick to assure him. “I had wanted it for a while- I was ready for it. You didn’t force me into anything.” If he still had any concerns about whether or not Sehun would respect his boundaries, this should put them all to rest. Most people would have assumed he was fine with what happened without even asking, and he would have been totally at ease with it even if Sehun hadn’t brought it up with him… but this is nice. That Sehun cares enough. 

Even if he’s starting to wonder if Sehun will eventually end up caring for him less than Junmyeon would like.

“Glad to hear,” Sehun says, and flashes him a smile. “Then, about the other thing- I suppose this is a bit redundant to ask you this because I think we both know the answer already, but I want to be sure. Do you have a thing for calling your partner daddy?”

Junmyeon nods his head, his blush intensifying again. “I do,” he mutters quietly into his cup of coffee, and Sehun looks quite smug. “Do you… Do you have a thing for being called that?”

“I do indeed,” and it’s a relief to hear that as well. That it wasn’t just a drunken whim to indulge him, when the word was so close to slipping from him either way. “Mostly just in bed, you know. And well, I guess I’m a rather dominant personality even outside of bed, but I’m not going to make you call me daddy as a rule or anything. Unless that’s what you want?”

Junmyeon swallows thickly, his heart rate picking up a little bit. He hasn’t done these kink talks since breaking up with Baekhyun, and while Baekhyun listed most of them on his profile on the sugar daddy website, it didn’t feel quite so real. It only occurs to him now that Sehun probably saw the list on his profile as well, and was already expecting all this.

“Only in bed is… kind of my thing too,” he agrees. “I like it when you, when you take the reins… When you call the shots for me. I like… I like feeling protected and, I don’t know, precious? So I like it, I like that you’re dominant and determined and all that.” It is harder than he thought to say that all, mostly because he still doesn’t know Sehun so well, not as well as he knew Baekhyun when they were first having these types of conversations, but he knows that communication is so, so important. He has to be brave enough to do this because that’s what adults do. 

The look on Sehun’s face makes it all quite worth it. He reaches over the table to take Junmyeon’s hand in his and gives it a firm squeeze. 

“Thank you for telling me,” he says, his voice quieter than usual. “Really. I’m pleased that our desires and interests, so to say, match up like this. I do want to keep exploring for more, learn more about you, but one step at a time, right?”

Junmyeon can only nod once more. He does that a lot with Sehun, just silently agreeing with him and whatever he says, but he realizes that he actually does that a lot anyway even when he’s with his friends. That’s how he’s like, amicable and pliant, ready to bend over any which way that is asked of him. He’s not bitter for it; he enjoys others making the decisions for him. He’s not the type of person to want to be in charge of anything. 

Sehun pulls back and drinks his cup empty before giving him an even brighter smile. “How about we go to Lotte World today? I feel like doing something fun after all the boring we endured yesterday.”

Junmyeon’s eyes go adorably wide. “Lotte World? You mean- you mean the amusement park?” It’s been ages since he’s last gone there, and it’s hilarious to imagine Sehun there. It’s usually an attraction for young couples and families, and Sehun seems maybe a bit too old and serious for that sort of thing- but Junmyeon is not going to say no. 

“Of course the amusement park. Are you not game?”

“Just take me home first to get appropriately dressed. I’m not getting on roller coasters in an Armani suit.”

*

Time flies past like so. Junmyeon isn’t sure if it’s because he gets increasingly busier; it’s not always easy to balance out weekends spent with Sehun and weekdays at the university, especially with assignments piling up as the semester gears up to finals in the middle of June. But he doesn’t have the heart to deny Sehun when he asks him out, even if his friends warn him against it. 

It’s getting clearer to him that his heart has lost all reason when it comes to the older man and his charms. 

He’s not sure how he gets through his finals and all the papers he has to turn in, and even Sehun takes notice of how zombie like he is. But he pushes through, and when the results start coming a week or two later, his grades are as good as ever. He doesn’t wish to have to do that again, and it feels ridiculous to even assume Sehun would keep him around for that long, but the truth is that he values every moment spent together. 

Perhaps a little too much. 

Sehun doesn’t show any signs of feeling the same, at all. He still schedules for dates and time spent together for the weekends as always, but that’s it. That is all. Junmyeon gets the sense that Sehun is perfectly content with the way things are.

He should be as well. He knows what the deal is, and Sehun’s words still ring loud and clear in his head. The very reason why Sehun is doing this is because he doesn’t have time to properly date, doesn’t have time to devote to a lover when his work is his life partner. Junmyeon remembers all that, knows all that. 

Maybe it’s simply because he’s too young. Naïve and vulnerable. It stings, it really does, but maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise. He has always been the emotionally dependent type, clingy, needy- yeah. It’s obvious now why he’s in trouble. 

It hasn’t even been that long, not at first, and so he keeps reminding himself. It’s barely been two months- but then it turns into three, four months before he even knows it. He did not get a job for the summer as per Sehun’s orders, and so his time is mostly spent pining after Sehun from Monday to Friday evening, and drinking up all of his attention until Sunday night. Everyone lives their mundane lives looking forward to the weekends, but this is something else. This is an addiction, but Junmyeon can’t admit as much to himself.  
If he did, it’d get all too real. Painful. He smells heartbreak already. 

He may be fooling Sehun, but he’s not fooling anyone else. “You like him,” Baekhyun says, and there’s not even a question mark at the end of that. Junmyeon stuffs his mouth full with tteokbokki to avoid having to answer. But Baekhyun, the devil himself, is patient, and doesn’t stop staring at him intently until he has chewed it all and finds himself at a dead end. Baekhyun has always been good at getting what he wants out of Junmyeon, no matter if it’s his darkest secrets or free food.

“I wouldn’t be sleeping with him if I didn’t fancy him to a degree,” Junmyeon tries to dodge the bullet, but Baekhyun is not having any of that. 

“You know what I mean. Answer me honestly.”

“I mean, I guess? But it’s not important, because we strictly agreed on no feelings, so that’s that. Now, the less we talk about it the less I’m gonna have to think about it and the sooner it’s gonna go away, alright? So leave it be.” Junmyeon had no intent to be so snippy about it, but it comes out a lot meaner than he meant it. Baekhyun narrows his eyes at him sharply, and the purse of his lips is telltale enough how unhappy he is. He holds up his chopsticks accusingly at Junmyeon, and his eyes are both full of concern as well as hurt. 

“I’m just trying to look out for you, like I promised I would,” Baekhyun says, and he sounds a lot quieter than Junmyeon has heard him in a while- not since their previous fight.  
He doesn’t understand why Sehun makes them fight like this when they used to never argue, and he decidedly doesn’t like it. But then, this is the first sort of relationship he has gotten in since he broke up with Baekhyun, and maybe that’s the whole truth, simple and plain. 

“So you did,” he agrees quietly. Baekhyun really did, over and over again, and while Baekhyun has trouble taking a lot of things seriously, he does cherish the promises he has made to those who matter to him. Junmyeon doesn’t doubt him, that’s not it. 

“But I don’t want to talk about it. Period. Trust me, hyung. Trust me to know what’s for the best, and remember that this was your idea to begin with. So don’t try to talk me out of it now that you’ve decided you don’t like the idea of me with someone else.”

Maybe that was unfair to say. Maybe that was the truth, or a fraction of the truth. But Junmyeon is tired. He’s tired of doubting what he has with Sehun, questioning the future of it and waiting for the inevitable misery, and he’s tired of his friends, who should support him, only adding to the burden already on his shoulders. 

He stands up and throws a few ten thousand won notes on the table before walking out of the restaurant. 

But walking out on Baekhyun doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t solve the ache in his chest every time Sehun somehow proves to him how entirely unromantic in nature their arrangement is- mainly when he hands Junmyeon wads of money, or shuts off all contact until it’s weekend again. Junmyeon usually gets no response to his texts or his calls if he tries to reach out first; everything happens on Sehun’s terms, or it doesn’t happen at all. It’s getting progressively harder to settle for what they have, because when they are together everything is wonderful. He has so much fun with Sehun, and the sex, oh the sex is amazing. He has no complaints other than that he knows that this is ultimately just a business transaction. 

Him and Baekhyun make up before long. They just can’t stay mad at each other no matter how much they might like to draw it out. They’re best friends for a reason, and something feels constantly out of place if they’re not attached at the hip be it physically or emotionally. But the underlying tension stays there, especially because Baekhyun can’t stop himself from bringing up the topic every now and then despite Junmyeon’s demands that he does.

Minseok and Jongin are nosey as ever as well. They keep saying the same things as Baekhyun, although they know where the limit goes a lot better than him. They don’t take it too far, but they keep reminding him about it, and Junmyeon comes to the conclusion that he can’t talk about Sehun to anyone. 

He’s more and more isolated with his own heartbreak. 

The only one who doesn’t speak of it, doesn’t seem to realize, is Sehun himself. That’s mostly because Junmyeon puts up only his most cheerful front when he’s with him, and maybe Sehun just doesn’t know him well enough not to be fooled by it. But it’s comforting to have at least that bit of control over the situation. If Sehun could read him like an open book, then he probably couldn’t do this.

At least September comes around at last, and going back to university does help take his mind off things once more. The busier he is the less he has time to pine for Sehun he reasons. 

It is then that Sehun decides to throw a curve ball at him. 

“How about the two of us go on a trip somewhere on Chuseok?” Sehun suggests one Saturday when they’re still lazying in bed. “I’m not particularly fond of spending the entire time with my family, and there’s no point in working through it when no one’s going to return my emails or my calls anyway. So, what do you think?”

A weekend getaway. It sounds so terribly romantic, and exactly the type of thing all couples should do together. The type of thing everyone probably would expect Sehun to arrange for him, with the whole spending money on Junmyeon thing. To have Sehun for himself for all that time- Chuseok this year lasts from Wednesday to Friday, which leaves them with the entire weekend as well. Five days is plenty of time for a trip, and longer than they’ve ever spent together at once. 

“It’s still so far away,” Junmyeon tries to protest quietly, literally just making up excuses. “What’s the rush to plan for it now? Are you sure you’ll be able to go, anyway?”

“Definitively,” Sehun replies, hands trailing down Junmyeon’s back and squeezing his bare bottom. “Especially if I mark it on my calendar now. I know you won’t have classes on Chuseok either. So why not? We don’t have to go anywhere far. Say Japan, or China. I’d rather not go to Jeju because I have a feeling a lot of people are heading there and I want to avoid that.”

There goes that. Junmyeon doesn’t see how he could escape this, and a big part of him doesn’t wish to do that. That part of him is overjoyed at the prospect of spending more time with Sehun… but the rest of him knows that it spells trouble. It’s already hard to remember to draw the line somewhere as is. 

“I’m not sure about my passport. I haven’t travelled in a while.” It’s the stupidest thing ever he could have said out loud, yet he did anyway. He sighs and huffs. He’s going to either have to fess up to Sehun what the problem at hand really is, or go with his suggestion.

Junmyeon wouldn’t be Junmyeon if he faced his problems head on before it’s too late to do anything about them. 

“Alright. We can go- go somewhere. I’ll have to consult my parents to make sure but, yeah, we can probably make it work.” But the truth is that he didn’t go home even for Seollal this year, and he knows that his parents will be upset with him no matter what he does. If he goes they’ll just end up arguing the entire time about what a terrible son he is, and they might start asking uncomfortable questions about how he’s earning his living since he hasn’t come back to them to beg for money yet… and it’s not a conversation he wants to have. But if he doesn’t go, his parents will call him a bad son behind his back, using his lack of filial piety as an example of that. He can’t win, and he’d rather have them badmouth him when he’s not present. 

“I’ll book the tickets. Somewhere nice. Pamper and spoil you rotten. You’ve been working hard for your studies and it’s not even midterm season,” Sehun laughs before rolling them over and hovering on top of him. 

“Now, let me spoil you some right now right here.”

That kind of treatment is exactly what Junmyeon is scared of, but how could he deny Sehun anything?


	3. Chapter 3

September passes in a flurry of getting used to his classes for the semester as well as spending time with Sehun while trying not to pine after him when they’re apart. It’s a hard balance, and Junmyeon recognizes now that he’s starting to lose this game except he doesn’t know if it’d be possible to win at all when he seems to be the only one playing.

Sehun is so wonderful, and that’s the very root of the problem. He continues to take Joon out for brunch, to go shopping, for coffee dates, for dinner. They have gone through pretty much every posh restaurant in Gangnam area, and Junmyeon has finally lured Sehun into trying out places in Hongdae and Hapjeong, even if he was right about how ill Sehun fits in there. But Sehun seems delighted about the new places that they discover together, and perhaps making new memories is the worst of it all, letting the sight of Sehun in his neighbourhood become the norm, letting Sehun help him find new, exciting things that will forever be associated with the man. 

Sex, too, is plentiful. Sehun’s drive doesn’t seem to diminish no matter how busy he may be, and Junmyeon is a young man who has little incentive to refuse him. The kinks they explore together make sure that none of it ever gets repetitive or boring, and it’s yet another reason why Junmyeon is so smitten. Sehun takes care of needs that no one has been able to cater to ever since he broke up with Baekhyun, and he does it even better than his ex-boyfriend did. 

It’s mostly because Sehun is so sure of himself, so confident, so calm. Baekhyun was always bumbling with it, too giddy with the high of having someone call him daddy, whereas Sehun has seen it before, has done it all. It’s Junmyeon who’s exploring, who’s inexperienced, and Junmyeon thinks he rather likes that. Likes letting Sehun lead him through every single thing. 

Chuseok arrives before he knows it. Sehun buys him luggage for the trip, and new clothes to ‘hype up the impatience’ as he says. They’re flying out to Hong Kong for five days, flying out on Tuesday and coming back on Sunday. Junmyeon is still worried what spending so much time with Sehun on what only seems like a romantic getaway is going to do to him, but he wants it so badly at the same time. He knows that Sehun doesn’t see this as dating, only spends time with Junmyeon to relax and get his mind off work, because of the sex and because he enjoys taking care of others, but at the same time to travel abroad for what should be a family holiday just screams romance in every single way. He’s glad none of his friends bring that up, at least. 

They send him off after his last class on Tuesday with playful jabs about how he should take some time to see the sights in Hong Kong and not just spend the entire vacation in bed with Sehun, and Junmyeon runs up to Sehun’s car winded but smiling. Sehun leans in to kiss him and it seems like he can’t stop smiling either, the corners of his mouth pulling upwards despite himself. Sehun has a serious look on his face for the most part, his default expression easily grim even if he’s not particularly gloomy himself, so to see him so unable to resist that smile is a rare occasion. 

Sehun drives them to the airport amidst relaxed small talk, although when they pull up to Incheon international airport Junmyeon has butterflies in his tummy. It’s been years since he has last flown anywhere, and the four-hour flight is not exactly short. Sehun holds his hand firmly as they walk into the building from the parking lot, pulling their luggage along with them, and thanks to the business class tickets Sehun bought for them they get to bypass the line for the check-in where they drop off their heavy luggage.

Business class doesn’t allow them to skip the long, winding line for the security check though, and Junmyeon finds himself squeezing Sehun’s big hand in his even tighter. He’s increasingly nervous, easy to fall into anxiety. He’s never liked airports, even if it’s been a long while since he’s last been, and he’s reminded why that is now. The feeling of running late even though they’re not, the worry of being unsure what to do and what’s the correct protocol, the underlying paranoia of ‘what if they think I’m a terrorist or what if they won’t let me board the plane’ are all quickly hiking up his blood pressure. 

But Sehun is there, every step of the way. He tucks Junmyeon to his side in the line, sensing his unease, and even leans in to whisper in his ear soft comforting words or trying to get him to laugh to make him feel better. He hovers right there behind him, directing him, and getting through the security isn’t half as bad like that. Junmyeon gets his denim jacket and backpack back no problem, and no one takes him in for questioning or tries to frisk him. 

Sehun buys him a massive bag of candy at the duty-free shop. “To keep my baby entertained on the flight,” he teases, and again Junmyeon is entirely helpless to the blush that takes over. 

The business class lounge is wonderful with complimentary drinks and snacks, and the seats on the plane are more comfortable than Junmyeon’s own bed back at home. Sehun keeps laughing at his enthusiasm and wide eyes good-naturedly, although Junmyeon does feel bashful once the initial bewilderment wears off and he realizes just how casually everyone else is taking all this. 

For the take-off, Junmyeon has to hold Sehun’s hand again and has to squeeze his eyes shut. “You do know that you’re more likely to die in a regular traffic accident than in a crashing plane,” Sehun points out and it’s obvious that he’s trying not to laugh. “So your concern is rather misplaced. You should be scared when we’re driving, not now.”

“But most plane crashes happen during take-off or landing,” Junmyeon squeaks, and he hates that he knows this fact somehow. “So this is the most dangerous part! Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’d never,” Sehun chuckles, most definitely laughing at him. 

But despite Junmyeon’s worries, they make it to Hong Kong in one piece. The immigration and the whole hassle with picking up their luggage is a lot more bearable when he doesn’t have to worry about being on time for the flight or anything else for that matter. Sehun doesn’t speak Cantonese but he does speak Mandarin and that’s quite good enough for them to push through and find a taxi to take them to the hotel. 

Which, of course, is a five-star hotel. Junmyeon doesn’t know why he expected any different. Their luggage is carried into their room for them and it’s a suite with a small lounge area, the bedroom with a queen sized bed, lavish bathroom and a balcony. It was still rather hot in Seoul but it’s even warmer in Hong Kong, clear skies with 25C outside, so spending time out on the balcony is not too outlandish even if their air conditioning inside is also really nice. 

Sehun comes to hug him from behind as he’s taking it all in and kisses his neck. Junmyeon is wearing a choker again, because Sehun told him that he really likes the look on him and has bought him several of them for all sort of occasions. Junmyeon sometimes wonders if Sehun might like him to even wear a proper collar to bed for fun at times, but he hasn’t proposed it to him yet.

“How do you like it?” Sehun asks, squeezing his hips in between his hands. “Or do we need to upgrade to something bigger?”

“Oh, no, it’s perfect!” Junmyeon hurries to reply, spinning around to smile up at Sehun. “It’s amazing, thank you. It’s way more than I ever expected.”

“I still have some work to do, if you really expect something short of perfect from me,” Sehun teases before pulling away to wheel their luggage further into the room. They didn’t pack much because five days is not all that long, and also because Sehun promised him to buy him clothes and souvenirs to take home to his friends and family. Travelling light just makes everything so much easier.

It’s already really late, but just like Seoul, Hong Kong doesn’t sleep. They head out to grab dinner, although they don’t venture very far. Sehun seems less interested in being a foodie with an expensive taste now and just focuses on the functionality of it, dragging Junmyeon into the first restaurant that looks inviting enough. It’s a rather modest dim sum restaurant but the food is absolutely delicious, even if part of it comes down to just how hungry they are. 

Once they make it back to the hotel they shower to freshen up and then collapse into bed, the air con humming in the background as they fall asleep together. Junmyeon’s heart feels too big for his chest but also so at ease by just being near Sehun, and despite his anxieties concerning the trip he sleeps like dead through the night. 

The next day is dedicated to sightseeing. Sehun has been in the city before on business but he insists he hasn’t gotten to do or see anything. “I’ve always just done work, work, and some more work here,” he laments as they eat breakfast in bed together. “So I want to remedy that. With you. Take lots of pictures, the whole nine yards.”

Junmyeon has no complaints, and so they head out. It’s another warm day but seeing that the summer in Seoul was one of the hottest in two decades, it’s not unbearable at all. The skies are clear and the crowds are not as bad, as it’s not really tourist season anymore. Junmyeon wears his ripped jeans, a flimsy, light button down, and a pair of sandals, while Sehun is dressed similarly except he opts for chinos instead. They’re both carrying cameras with them as Sehun insisted on buying him one for the trip, and head out hand in hand. Their only plan for the day is to go from sight to sight, the only condition being that they do not visit any museums. “We’re not here to learn,” Sehun explains. “You do that enough in university, I should hope.”

They start with the famous Star Ferry. They’re ferries sailing in the bay along a cinematic route, something that is both exciting and unique since Seoul most definitely doesn’t offer an experience like that. Junmyeon is a bit apprehensive about the boats though, and seeing just how busy the waters actually are doesn’t set him at ease as they hop off their taxi and arrive in Victoria Harbor. But Sehun is fearless, and his steady hand in Junmyeon’s is what encourages him to get on board despite his worries, Sehun’s strong thigh pressed against his as they sit side by side at the front of the ferry with their cameras at the ready. 

The ferry ride itself is truly unforgettable. There’s a lot to see, not to mention how the element of water and the rocking of the boat make it such an unusual experience for sightseeing. Junmyeon doesn’t take a lot of pictures, just because how overwhelmed he is by it all, but Sehun manages to take some great shots as they sail their way over to Tsim Sha Tsui. 

On Kowloon island they wander around for a while and gorge on char siu for lunch. It’s a great start to their vacation, and the ferry ride back on the central island is just as beautiful and worth their time as the first one was. Sehun asks him to pose for pictures and he praises Junmyeon to heaven and back for his beauty, insisting that the pictures turn out fantastic even if Junmyeon has his own concerns about it. He’s never really been photogenic after all. 

For the evening they head to Victoria Peak, catching a tram to take them up to the top. All tourist sites advertise that the view at night is the most photographic, so they know they should wait for the sun to go down before making the trek back. The tram ride up the steep hill is just as scary as the ferry was, and Junmyeon is really quite unhappy about this. 

“I didn’t know this was going to be an extreme sport kind of vacation,” he whines to Sehun who hugs him tight and ruffles his hair in response. 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, I’m here, aren’t I.” Sehun is so self-assured, like always, but his confidence does make Junmyeon feel somewhat better about the whole thing. The bravado, whether it’s false or not, is indeed quite soothing in a way. 

They spend some time walking around the Peak, taking pictures and eating snacks that they buy from street vendors. Junmyeon really enjoys just letting Sehun handle the language thing and also pay for everything; he feels taken care of, and in an odd way, loved. He can tell by the confident set of Sehun’s shoulders, the pleased smile on his face that he’s liking it too, soaking up the chance to properly treat Junmyeon as his precious baby boy. 

Junmyeon gets him to pose with him for a selfie as well, which he expertly snaps with his phone to send to his friends. They don’t often take selfies together because Sehun feels that he’s ‘too old’ for them and Junmyeon has never been one to overdo it, but they have a few together that Junmyeon really, really treasures. If he was more brave he’d set one of them as his lock screen on his phone but as is, he can’t. 

He can’t have Sehun thinking he’s deluding himself. 

The tourist sites did not lie. The view they have over the whole city once the sun goes down is breathtaking. Sure they have both seen Seoul like this as well from the top of Namsan Tower, but it’s a different experience with the bay right there adding to it. In Seoul there’s only water at Han river, which you can’t really see unless you’re right there at the banks of it. Hong Kong has a different kind of vibe to it, and it’s something that Junmyeon really wants to remember. He wants to remember this moment, with Sehun, them making this memory together even if it might be bittersweet to look back on it once their relationship has run its course. 

They make it to the hotel alright, Sehun making small talk about his plans for the following days while Junmyeon almost falls asleep in the taxi. He’s dead on his feet after all the walking that they did that day, and so Sehun takes pity on him, taking him out to have congee for dinner so they can have it fast and easy before heading back to the hotel to sleep.

“You’re so much younger than me, how are you so out of shape?” Sehun teases him after they’ve showered and settled in bed together. “Do you not work out? Or exercise?”

Junmyeon huffs and hits Sehun on the arm lightly in retaliation. “I don’t have the time,” he defends himself, “I study a lot! Us college students, we’re not about all that, being healthy and whatnot. We have fun, we drink, we eat well. What else would you expect?”

Sehun laughs and rolls over so he can press his lips to Junmyeon’s stomach where his shirt has hiked up. “I just thought you might, because you have such a flat tummy,” he points out, peppering kisses along the faint lines of his abs. “But I suppose you’re just skinny.”

Junmyeon can’t help his giggles even as he shoves Sehun again. “Stop bullying me! Besides, I’ve put on weight since I met you. I’ve been skinnier.”

Sehun doesn’t budge and just nuzzles his stomach again. “Mm, I suppose,” he replies, voice muffled. “You’re so small. A baby bird. So precious.”

Junmyeon is glad that Sehun is currently not looking up at him because he’s sure that the look on his face is far too tender for someone who’s not supposed to have caught any feelings for his sugar daddy.

*

Days in Hong Kong pass by so fast, since they have so much to do. Junmyeon doesn’t want to race against the clock and just focus on enjoying all this, but at the same time they both know they have such limited time here so they do their best to be out from morning till late at night to make the most of their vacation. They try to cram in as many meals as they can, just to make sure they try a little bit of everything, and walking around as much as they do really spikes up their appetite. 

It’s somewhere in the middle of walking through the night markets that Junmyeon looks up to Sehun and realizes how irrevocably he’s falling in love. It’s as though he’s being lifted up and his feet have ceased to touch the ground; it’s butterflies in his stomach and a spike in his pulse every time Sehun takes his hand, a sense of coming home with every kiss and embrace. And if he were to pretend, if he allowed himself to lie, it’d be so easy to imagine that this was all real.

A real relationship. 

Sehun kisses him like he means it. He teases him like they’ve known each other for years now. He’s shared with Sehun things he hasn’t even told Baekhyun- secrets so scary he had a hard time to even admit them to himself, to admit to wanting such unconventional things in the bedroom, and outside of it. Sehun took them all and carried them on his broad shoulders like it was what he was meant to do. 

Sehun fucks him like he cares about him. They’re often kinky, often adventurous; they’ve used every even surface in the hotel room, just how they already did in Sehun’s apartment. But afterwards, when Junmyeon is near delirious in the after waves of his pleasure and exhausted bone-deep in that mindless, relaxing manner, Sehun always tends to him before collapsing next to him on the bed. Sehun wipes him clean, murmurs soft words to him, helps him to a drink of water and a small snack if he thinks it necessary. Or he carries Junmyeon to a bath and washes him clean there, before tucking them both in with the white sheets. 

The way that Sehun looks down at him when he kneels for him almost looks tender. 

It’s somewhere in the middle of Hong Kong’s streets, the soft lilts of Cantonese and Mandarin surrounding them like an exotic spice Junmyeon can’t name, that he understands he’s falling in love. He’s falling for a man who doesn’t want him- doesn’t want to commit to him. As though paying his rent wasn’t commitment; as though fucking him weekly wasn’t commitment. 

But they both know that it isn’t. 

It’s as they board the plane to go back to Seoul that Junmyeon realizes Hong Kong wounded him deep, deeper than he feared it might. He was worried, but somehow he let go of that and left it behind at home. But now he’s flying back to it knowing that his concerns were real. He’s flying back to a wordless ‘I told you so’. And in a lot of ways, he’s leaving his heart behind on the islands of Hong Kong, in the bay and the water that flows between the isles. He’s leaving his heart, because it’s the last time that it was whole.

As his feet touch Korean soil again, he steps into heartbreak and it sits on his shoulders like a cloak made of lead. It fits, but it hurts. Looking at Sehun now, as they get into his car and begin the drive to go back to Seoul, he realizes that he must pull himself away before he’s in love for real, not just falling. 

Sehun takes him to Hapjeong and stops the car, but before Junmyeon can hop out, he reaches over to place his hand heavily on Junmyeon’s thig and squeezes it, fingertips digging in. It could mean something, it should mean something, but Junmyeon knows he’s fooling himself if he thinks that. 

“It was such a lovely vacation,” Sehun says, his voice sincere but his eyes are dark like always. He doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, doesn’t mirror his soul. Junmyeon wishes that he himself weren’t so open, so ready to offer his feelings like they weren’t worth more than pennies. Maybe it’s a matter of age; maybe Sehun was vulnerable too, once upon a time. Maybe he too went through something similar, maybe it’s why he doesn’t do relationships anymore. How would Junmyeon know. 

“I enjoyed it. I needed it. I needed to get away, to have time to myself. You being there helped me not to think about work, not to think about the things that worry me right now.” And again, he sounds so sincere. Junmyeon has to look away now, and he focuses on undoing his seat belt just to have an excuse not to face him anymore. 

“I agree. It was really nice,” he replies, and he knows he sounds a bit choked up, but he coughs to try and cover that up. “Thank you for taking me there.”

Sehun moves his hand to rub his shoulder, and then to pull him in for a kiss by the nape of his neck. “It was my pleasure,” he says, voice even softer. “I really do value our time together.”

Junmyeon has had enough. He’s going to say something he will regret if he doesn’t get out, so he does. “I’ll text you,” he promises as he hops out and rounds the car to the trunk to take out his luggage, and slams it shut with too much force before scurrying away. He steels himself not to look back.

He knows that he has to do something. He has to end this. He doesn’t know how he’s going to pay his bills, he doesn’t know how he’s going to pay rent, but he has to put an end to this now. It was a mistake to take the easy way out just because he thought it necessary at the time; it was such a huge error to let himself become financially dependent on something that his heart was on the line for. A job is a job, and even if you hate it you can still most likely somehow manage… but getting your heart broken isn’t worth anything. 

He collapses in bed, body heavy and eyes burning, mind on overdrive as though he hasn’t been on vacation at all. 

Tomorrow. He’s going to face the reality tomorrow.

*

Junmyeon wants to consult Baekhyun, but it seems improper. No one should know of his decision before Sehun, even if at the same time, is there anything so sacred between them? Trust, yes, but that’s what every relationship whether platonic or not should have. But he sticks to the gut feeling, and pushes through the week on his own, shunning out his friends despite their pestering for stories of his getaway with Mr. Young and Rich, as they’ve playfully titled Sehun. 

It does cross his mind to just do it over a text, or a phone call. He could just block Sehun’s number afterwards, and he still hasn’t shown Sehun where he lives. The realization shocks him; they’ve gone this long, basically behaving like lovers, but Sehun hasn’t been over to his apartment even once. Even despite introducing Sehun to Hapjeong and Hongdae, he still hasn’t been able to share his life with him to that degree of intimacy. 

Sehun has never met his friends, his family. Sehun knows which university he attends thanks to the baseball jacket he wears with the school’s logo on it, like most university students in South Korea do, but that is it. And seeing that, seeing how distant they still are, somehow makes his resolve stronger. They’re not as close as he thought they were, the bonds between them more brittle than he imagined. Why should it hurt to severe them all at once?

He’s good at swallowing the pain, good at disguising it from himself.

He asks to see Sehun at Minos again. He likes the idea of closing a circle, of completing something in a way. There should be clear-cut beginning and end. He can mark the date on his calendar and start his life post-Sehun, even if putting it that way makes it sound a whole lot more significant than he would like it to be. 

The hints are there, but he closes his eyes and trudges through the week to Saturday, when he’s supposed to meet Sehun. 

He dresses nice for the occasion. The weather has yet to get chilly, but he wears a long-sleeved sweater anyway together with a pair of dark jeans. The sweater means comfort, as he hides his hands inside the sleeves while he waits for Sehun to arrive, his coffee and chocolate untouched before him on the table. The café is quiet, and it looks like it will rain soon. He didn’t bring an umbrella, but perhaps that’s just instant karma at play. 

Sehun comes in fifteen minutes late, looking a bit disheveled and his cheeks are rosy. “I’m so sorry, I got stuck in traffic,” he says with a long sigh as he takes off his outer layer of clothes and leans in to kiss Junmyeon on the cheek. “Let me order myself a coffee and I’ll be back.”

Junmyeon catches himself smiling at Sehun’s broad back without knowing, but he’s quick to cut that off. He almost got distracted, but he can’t allow that. 

Sehun reaches for his hands when he’s seated, but Junmyeon jerks away from the touch. Even the kiss seared his skin, and he doesn’t think he can stay calm if he lets Sehun too close. A shadow of doubt clouds Sehun’s eyes but he doesn’t say anything of it, instead diving into small talk like any other day. Junmyeon appreciates that he doesn’t ask about it but at the same time, how cruel is it to let Sehun start a conversation like nothing is out of the ordinary?

“I have to tell you something.”

Sehun’s eyes flash darker again but he merely raises his eyebrows wordlessly. 

“We have to stop seeing each other. We gotta- We have to end our deal. I’m sorry.”

It came out clumsy. The whole elaborate speech he had prepared in his head prior to this, it’s all gone. He’s left with just this, the haphazard sentences with no real structure or explanation whatsoever. He doesn’t know if he owes Sehun one, if Sehun wants one, and he suddenly feels like Atlas, the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

Breaking up with Baekhyun floats to the fore of his mind, but he doesn’t understand why he’d make that comparison. He’s not breaking up with Sehun. There’s nothing to break, between them. 

Sehun leans back in his chair, arms crossed over his chests, eyebrows drawn together in a harsh slope, lips pressed together. “Well, I certainly didn’t expect that,” he says dryly. “A week after our trip to Hong Kong? I would have assumed I would have sensed this coming.”

Junmyeon hunches over, eyes on his lap. He can feel Sehun’s gaze bore holes into his very being. He doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything. The silence drags on.  
“So, how have you decided to manage financially from now on? From what you told me, you weren’t doing so well when we met. Are you going to be alright, Junmyeon?”

Sehun’s concern sounds real. It sounds convincing. Junmyeon sinks even lower in his seat, scolding himself. Of course Sehun’s concern is real. Sehun is like that, he enjoys taking care of others, and he just wants to know that Junmyeon will be alright. Financially. That Junmyeon won’t end up homeless. Of course he wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t have his next source of income all figured out. Of course. 

But he is.

“I made up with my parents,” he says hastily, and every word is a lie. A foolish lie. A week ago he couldn’t spend Chuseok with his parents and instead went to Hong Kong with his sugar daddy, and now he’s saying that they somehow settled their differences? Stupid, stupid Junmyeon. 

Sehun knows that it’s a lie, but he’s polite enough not to call him out on it. “You did?” He doesn’t believe it, Junmyeon can hear it, but that that. That’s all Sehun says on it. “Well, then. That is good. I’m happy for you.”

He doesn’t know what to say now, but the silence is too painful to let it linger. “Yeah. Look, I’m- I really am thankful. For everything. I really am… But I think this is for the best. For both of us.” He can’t even begin to tell just how grateful he truly is for everything, and not just for Sehun’s money but most importantly the memories they made. He was genuinely so happy with Sehun, every step of the way, and tears burn in his eyes like acid just thinking about it. He doesn’t want it to end, but it has to. It’s only going to hurt more in the future- it’s only going to ruin everything, if he lets it last. 

“I’m glad to hear it.” Sehun is not making this any easier on him, isn’t taking the reins like he usually would to steer the conversation. This shouldn’t be so difficult. 

“Yeah… So, I’ll pay my rent myself next month and everything. Thank you for…” For what? He doesn’t know what would be the appropriate word. His thoughts are getting jumbled, and he needs to go. Sehun cannot see what a fool he’s become already. They agreed on no strings attached, they agreed on no feelings. This is Junmyeon abiding that, this is him ending it before he develops feelings. So why is he in pain?

He stands up, grabs his coffee and bows to Sehun in one last goodbye. He hasn’t been this formal with him in so long and it feels wrong, but he doesn’t want to touch him. At the end of the day, they were just business partners. Business partners don’t part with kisses, or even hugs. 

“Take care.”

He runs out of the café before his tears can fall, and when the skies open up and it begins to rain, the rain drops disguise the wetness on his cheeks. This kind of hopelessness is new; at least when he broke up with Baekhyun he knew he would still get to keep him in his life. But Sehun, Sehun is gone forever. 

*

It doesn’t take long before things start tumbling downhill. 

His motivation for school is at an all-time low the following week. He spent the weekend hiding in bed, refusing to even look at his phone because whether there would be messages from Sehun or not, it’d hurt regardless. But Monday dawns on him all too soon, and he knows that no matter what, he has to get himself through school. 

Junmyeon shows up to class looking just how he feels, exhausted and sad. Baekhyun takes one look at him and his whole face darkens, for he knows without telling that something’s up. Junmyeon was in for a scolding anyway because of his ghosting over the weekend, but now there’s no way off the hook. At least Baekhyun has to keep quiet during the class, lest he get points deducted from his in-class performance. But it matters little when they’re dismissed, for Baekhyun wastes no time in dragging him away to somewhere more private.

“What the hell happened?” The words are not accusatory, and Baekhyun’s hand in his is solid, warm. He’s not angry, only concerned, and somehow that makes Junmyeon feel even worse. He shouldn’t have kept his friends in the dark- but he just couldn’t find the words to explain what taken place. What he had done.

He licks his lips nervously. “I told Sehun I can’t see him anymore.” 

It sounds so clean, so straightforward, just as he intended it, so why is it not so? 

Baekhyun looks quite surprised, and he takes a moment to regard Junmyeon with eyes that seem to pierce right through him directly into his most private thoughts. Baekhyun knows him too well, has always known too much. 

“But I thought you guys were working out great? You never spoke an ill word about him.” And that’s true. Perhaps it would make more sense for him to do this if he hadn’t been enjoying Sehun’s company. Had he been smarter about this, he would have prepared for this, fooled his friends into thinking he has a valid reason to do this. 

“It’s not that we weren’t good,” he admits, and despises the way his voice thickens with the emotions bubbling up. “It’s not it. I just couldn’t do it anymore.” He drifts away from Baekhyun’s grip to the soda machine, busying himself with slotting the coins into it. He will have to be more meticulous with his spending from now on, until he figures out how he will get by. He has a lot of money saved up; Sehun was generous enough with his money that Junmyeon had no way of spending it all, especially when Sehun would always treat him on the weekends and buy him clothes, pay his rent. It will last him a while but after that… he doesn’t know. 

Baekhyun reaches out, grips his shoulder. “Alright,” and for once even boisterous Baekhyun is quiet. “Alright. This is not the time and place for us to have this chat, so I’ll come over tonight. I’ll bring something to eat. We’re going to have a good talk, and you’ll feel better. Alright? Don’t worry.”

Baekhyun has so much confidence, so much faith that in the end things fall into place. Junmyeon wishes he could be more like him. 

Baekhyun makes good of his promise, and shows up that night with gamjatang in tow at Junmyeon’s doorstep. No greetings are needed, as Baekhyun simply walks in, kicks off his shoes and sits down, digging into the bag to pull out the soup, chopsticks, side dishes. 

“I would have gotten us soju, but I have a morning lecture tomorrow,” and he even sounds apologetic. Junmyeon gives a hollow laugh, sits down with Baekhyun on the floor. He doesn’t have an actual dining table, his apartment much too small for that, so they always eat seated down on the floor. 

“It’s fine. You know I’ve never been one to drink my sorrows away.”

Baekhyun glances at him, lets Junmyeon dig into the food before saying anything more. “So you are sad. Because you won’t see Sehun anymore? Or are you worried about your finances? Be honest.”

As if Junmyeon has the option of lying when Baekhyun sees right through his bullshit. “Both,” he murmurs quietly. “But I just had to do it.”

That’s what he keeps telling himself.

“But why? Why did you have to stop seeing him, if it makes you sad?”

That’s what he keeps asking himself, too. Somehow the answer is getting more and more blurry as time passes, the more he keeps repeating the question. 

“I had no choice. We… we started to want different things.” “And what does that mean? You’re not giving me proper answers, Jun. Spit it out. Tell me what actually happened.” Baekhyun is still not angry, but his tone is sharp, demanding. Junmyeon is weak to that, weak to Baekhyun’s strong will. Hyung knows best, after all. 

He sets his chopsticks down, his hands suddenly unsteady, and looks down at his lap stubbornly even as he forces the words out finally. “We promised no strings attached,” he whispers. “And I caught feelings. I had to stop seeing him before it got too painful. If I kept seeing him I’d only fall for him more, and more… How would I ever get out of it, if that happened? He wasn’t going to want me that way. I had to do it.”

“Oh Junmyeon…” Baekhyun’s arms come around him, pull him near until he has his head resting on Baekhyun’s shoulder. He can’t help but think of the contrast between this and how Sehun would hold him, the man so much taller and broader than him where Baekhyun is closer to him in size, but he shoves the thought away. His best friend is here, doing his best to comfort him, and least Junmyeon could do would be appreciative of it.

But what is there for either of them to say? Heartbreak is intense like that, and it leaves behind a deafening silence of uncertainty. What could possibly be said that would make any of this any better? In principle, breakups are all the same in essence; the same grief, the same loss. Yet they’re not equal, and in that they’re unique. There are never any universal words of comfort to be said, never an easy fix. The fear of saying something inappropriate silences most efforts at consolation. 

They eat quietly after that, Baekhyun making gentle small talk occasionally, but thankfully allowing the silence to linger when it comes instead of forcing it. Baekhyun is fully capable of holding an entire conversation all by himself, but Junmyeon doesn’t need that. He’s not scared of the silence but the empty spaces, and just by being there, Baekhyun is filling most of them. 

Baekhyun makes no move to leave once the food is gone, and instead takes out Junmyeon’s laptop to fire up Netflix for them. Junmyeon curls up against Baekhyun’s warm side gratefully, happy for the distraction even if he catches his thoughts wandering back to Sehun on regular intervals. He supposes that it’s to be expected. 

The more he thinks about it though, it seems unfair that him and Baekhyun lost what they had. They’re exes for a reason, sure, but did it really have to happen? Was there no getting around the problems they had? Junmyeon doesn’t have a lot of dating experience, and it’s impossible not to compare Sehun and Baekhyun especially in the arms of one while aching for the other. It’s unfair, it’s wrong, but cannot be avoided. What he had with Sehun felt fundamentally different from what he used to have with Baekhyun, but perhaps that was just the money. The fact that he was a kept lover. That Baekhyun loved him. 

Baekhyun’s thigh against his hand feels like he’s being burned, and he’s not sure if that’s foreboding for a punishment or lust. But he’s feeling so lost, like a kite cut loose, that he doesn’t know what else to do. Despite the fact that it was the two of them breaking up, back then, Baekhyun still held him above the surface, made sure he was alright. That’s what he wants now, comfort, to feel alright, to know that this too will pass. 

His nose bumps against Baekhyun’s jaw as he tilts his head up. They’re laying on his bed, the laptop half in Junmyeon’s lap and half in Baekhyun’s, Baekhyun’s arm around his narrow shoulders. They’re so close, and it’s so easy. Baekhyun makes a small noise, comments something about the show but Junmyeon has stopped listening. He brushes his nose against Baekhyun’s cheek on purpose now, and Baekhyun turns his head, probably thinking that Junmyeon is trying to nonverbally get his attention. 

He squeezes Baekhyun’s thigh, and takes in a breath like before plunging into cold water. He doesn’t know what will come of this, but Baekhyun has never let him down. So when their lips connect in for a kiss, he’s not all too surprised that Baekhyun leans into it, cups his cheek and holds him there for it. It doesn’t last long, the gentle glide of their lips together, but Baekhyun doesn’t pull away even after it ends. 

“Oh Jun…” There’s regret there, but also longing, and it’s all Junmyeon needs now. He needs to feel wanted, and loved, and a small sick part of him wants to see how different it would be from Sehun. Perhaps sleeping with someone else will prove him he doesn’t feel anything for the man after all, wipes away the illusion that they shared something special.

Baekhyun slides the laptop away before turning back to Junmyeon, their lips finding each other for a kiss again, as Baekhyun settles on top of him. It feels familiar, and it’s so simple. Baekhyun still knows where to touch him, how to pull delicious noises from him, what to murmur into his ear to have him shivering in anticipation.

“Let daddy take care of you, just let daddy do this for you pretty baby…” 

Their clothes come off, one after another, Baekhyun’s thigh pressed down against his crotch for him to grind against. Baekhyun is so generous with his kisses, covering Junmyeon in them, his teeth scraping the slightest marks on his skin to last, to prolong the memory of that touch for as long as possible. His hands, his pretty, pretty hands hold Junmyeon so surely, not fumbling in the slightest even after all this time. 

But as Baekhyun works him open, as Baekhyun rolls him over and drowns him in praise, Junmyeon’s thoughts slip away from the moment. Instead of Baekhyun’s hand on his hip he’s imagining Sehun; how his hand would be bigger, grip him firmer. How much huskier Sehun would sound, saying the same things. How Sehun would make him beg for it, make him feel like such a pretty little slut, and then fuck him like one. Baekhyun has always been soft, but Junmyeon has experienced something different and now has a taste for it. 

It’s bitter, how everything is the same and yet it’s not. It has him choking back tears even as Baekhyun starts thrusting into him. Sehun ruined this, ruined Baekhyun for him, and this is not doing what he wanted out of this. He’s not forgetting but remembering, he’s not letting go but reaching out for more. 

He thought he wanted Baekhyun, but there’s no denying that the spark has died. They are best when they’re platonic, and no matter how much he wants it, it can’t be the bandage that will stop him hurting now. 

After they both climax, Baekhyun simply gathers him close and lets him cry. There’s no accusations in the way that he still touches Junmyeon, reverently so, and there’s no blame in the words he speaks. Baekhyun knew; Baekhyun knew his heart even when he himself didn’t, and that is the greatest talent that he has. Junmyeon is so lucky to have him, and hates himself so much for having done this to him, having used him- but he will have to make peace with that later. 

*

Survival is a struggle. Not only is he dealing with his heartbreak, but also with his rapidly worsening financial situation. No matter how careful he spends his money, it’s going to inevitably run out at some point. Jongin gently suggests he ought to make amends with his parents; is his pride really that priceless that he’d rather live on the streets than beg for forgiveness? But Junmyeon can’t bring himself to do it. 

Jongin can’t understand what’s it like to have parents you can’t talk to. Jongin doesn’t understand how bad it can really be. He comes from a good, stable family, and he’s the adored youngest child with all the love and the care he could possibly ask for. He tries to be sympathetic, but he doesn’t grasp the reality of Junmyeon’s situation. You can’t rebuild bridges that weren’t there in the first place. 

Junmyeon has always had a terribly unhealthy relationship with his parents. He doesn’t hate them, and he knows they don’t hate him; but the lack of hatred, anger or violence doesn’t make it much better. There are a thousand ways to be an awful parent. Anyone looking from the outside wouldn’t see it- anyone would find it easy to call Junmyeon simply ungrateful, prideful, heartless. How dare he accuse his parents of raising him without love, how dare he claim they didn’t do enough for him? They’ve given him a roof over his head, food in his mouth, clothes on his back, no? So what’s he being a little whiny baby for?

Jongin would never put it that crudely, but that’s what it comes down to. Junmyeon has no bruises to prove he’s been mistreated. He’s an adult now, and so he can’t make any accusations towards his parents for cutting him off- and besides, he’s lucky. They’re still paying his tuition, although they don’t have to pay a whole lot with the scholarships Junmyeon’s good grades have earned him. 

But he’s not going to go back to beg for money. He knows they’d take it as a gleeful victory, they’d only see it as a sign they can push him into what they want if they just try hard enough. The last thing he wants is his parents to gain more power over him. 

Finding a job is still just as hard as it was before he met Sehun. Only places he can find employment are convenience stores that would want him to work graveyard, and he can’t do that if he wants to make it to class the next day. It’s a tough world. Minseok is able to find him a tutoring job for the weekends; he helps a high schooler prepare for their SATs, helps them with preparing for exams and doing their homework. It’s relatively easy, but it doesn’t pay enough to live off of and again, it’s time away from his own class work. 

He entertains the idea of going back on the website, to find himself another sugar daddy. It’d be just so much easier, and it worked well with Sehun, but his hurting heart holds him back from it. The thought of replacing Sehun so lightheartedly sickens him. This is exactly why he shouldn’t have caught feelings, it’s hindering him from making rational decisions- if you can call living off of someone else’s hard earned money that. 

It’s exhausting. He knows that he’s running out of time, but he can do so very little about it. It’s a wasted effort to try to remain positive, but somehow he has to keep moving forward. He can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but he can’t give up. Junmyeon has never been a quitter, but it’s the odds that are against him now. None of it is his fault, but realizing that doesn’t fix anything. 

All the while his longing for Sehun runs as deep as his bone marrow. He wants to see him, wants to lay with him; wants to laugh over stupid jokes and wants to wake up in the morning to the sound of Sehun breathing next to him. He wants to hold Sehun’s hand, wants to eat breakfast with him, wants to go on trips with him and make new memories in foreign countries that he might never visit again. It was beautiful while it lasted, even if always overshadowed by the looming fact that their time was bought and borrowed; that Sehun’s smiles were not for him but just a part of the fantasy they created together in exchange for money and pretty clothes. Sehun gave him everything, but Junmyeon had no choice but to shake him off as though he didn’t need him to salvage his heart. Now it seems like that was a false hope after all. 

He lays in bed at night and stares at his ceiling. The constant worry has built up stress that cannot be relieved. Even when he’s not thinking actively about it, it still weighs on him. He knows how dire his situation is but is powerless in the face of it. He wraps himself up in his blankets as tight as he can and pretends it’s the arms of someone holding him. He contemplates calling Baekhyun but he knows he shouldn’t; he might give into temptation again and repeat his sin. Baekhyun forgave him, understood him, and they’ve been good as new since then, but Junmyeon couldn’t live with himself if he did it again. He shouldn’t want Baekhyun’s body when he cannot give anything else in return, when it’s Sehun he thinks of while they’re wrapped up in each other. It’s just not fair, and it hurts him more than it’s worth. 

Since he can’t silence his constantly nagging mind or his aching heart through healthier means, he finally gives into temptation and turns to alcohol. There are parties happening all the time after all, and while none of his close friends aren’t going he knows a few people who will attend so it’s going to be just fine. He just needs to drink and be free from his worries even if only momentarily. Alcohol is not the answer and Junmyeon knows it, but desperate times call for equally desperate measures. 

It’s not on campus but a pub crawl in Hongdae, and they have a club reserved for the afterparty. Junmyeon doesn’t really have the money to be doing this but hell- what he saved up is not going to last much longer anyway, and so he might as well just let it all go. Does it really matter when he ends up living on the streets if it’s inevitable anyway?

A couple of seniors offer him drinks, and that gets him started. Junmyeon is a lightweight but he drinks like he’s not, and in addition he has barely eaten all day. He’s been back to ramyeon for the most part, even if it has literally no nutritional value, and he’s lost weight. He tries to resist his hunger and not eat too much of the snacks and side dishes that are brought out, because he cannot pay for any of it and it’d be embarrassing to look like he’s starving even if it’s the truth. 

They go from bar to bar, faster and faster as people get more impatient to make it to their final destination. As people get more drunk, they move on from just beer to hard liquor, and mixing alcohols is a sure way to get your head messed up. Junmyeon can quickly feel it or rather, doesn’t feel it with the way that his face goes numb and his rational thinking fades out. He takes every offered shot, every drink, and eventually forgets about his hunger and forgets to reach for the snacks that are such a customary accompaniment to drinking in South Korea. 

Everything becomes hazy soon after, and he doesn’t know when it happens exactly, when the comfortable and familiar buzz of alcohol turns into something scarier. It takes him a long time to realize that he’s not feeling well, but eventually the nausea just hits him like a wall and his knees feel weak. He’s staggering on his feet, holding onto anything he can reach to stay upright, and the way that his head is swimming doesn’t feel right. 

Junmyeon barely makes it out of the bar, but not much further than that. He sits down at the curb and bends his head down to his knees to try and stop the spinning. This feels wrong even if he can’t come up with an explanation why, and suddenly he’s scared. There are loud noises everywhere, people everywhere, but he’s alone and no one is paying him any mind. It’s hard to think straight but he does understand that if someone spiked his drink, they’re probably looking for him right now unless it was an accident- but that means that he’s in danger of something terrible, terrible happening to him. 

He scrambles for his phone and after several tries pulls it out of his pocket. His vision is swimming and it’s hard to see the bright screen, but he manages to press his finger on the censor that unlocks his phone. He knows where his contacts are without looking, but reading any of the names is just impossible. He just chooses one and prays that it’s not either one of his parents. 

It rings and it rings, and the sound echoes in his head. It’s so weird and distracting that Junmyeon doesn’t even realize that whoever he drunk dialed picks up the phone; it isn’t until the person sternly calls his name that he becomes aware of it. He almost drops the device right then and there, but at least he manages to make a sound to show that he’s actually there. 

“Junmyeon? Why’d you call me?”

He’s not sure he recognizes the voice but he knows he needs help. “I’m screwed,” he slurs into his phone. He’s tempted to lie down on the pavement. “I’m so messed up.”

“Where are you?”

That’s a good question. There are many, many similar streets in Hongdae, and Junmyeon lost track of the bars long time ago. He tries to look around but the neon lights hurt his eyes. “I don’t know,” he whimpers, his heart in his throat. He’s suddenly a lot more scared than he was before. “I don’t know where I am!”

“Ask someone. Anyone. Just ask where you are right now, Junmyeon. Daddy needs to know.”

Junmyeon looks up again, biting back the nausea that follows moving his head. There are people nearby but he doesn’t know how to get their attention. “Excuse me,” he says, trying to raise his voice over the music blasting from the bars around them. “Excuse me, where am I?”

The group of guys smoking near him turn to look at him and stare at him in confusion before one of them approaches him and leans down a bit. Junmyeon jerks away, almost toppling over in the process, but he’s paranoid of being taken advantage of in his current state. The guy backs off a little, even more confused, but replies to him nonetheless. “You’re in Hongdae. Or are you calling a taxi? Do you need an address?” 

“Do I need an address?” he repeats into the phone. Making decisions is entirely too daunting right now. 

“Are you talking to someone? Just give your phone to them for a moment, please.” Junmyeon does as told, holding out his phone that the guy takes from him gingerly. His focus fails him again as the guy talks fast on the phone, clearly fairing much better than Junmyeon, until the phone is back in his hand. 

“This kind hyung is going to stay with you until I get there, alright? I’m already in my car and I’m coming there, but it’s going to take a while. If you feel sick, if you feel really really awful, call an ambulance okay? Otherwise just wait for Daddy. Do you understand me, Jun?”

Stay with this kind hyung. Stay put. Wait for Daddy. Junmyeon nods obediently before his brain catches up and he utters a simple yes. 

“Alright. I’m going to hang up now, so I can focus on driving. But I’ll be there, don’t you worry.”

The phone call ends and his tears are suddenly back. But the guy, as well as his friends, are now all hovering near, and looking more concerned than anything. One of them is even kind enough to sprint down the street to the nearest convenience store to get him a bottle of water, although Junmyeon soon starts throwing up and can mostly just use the water for gargling out the taste of vomit from his mouth. The spinning doesn’t lessen though, and neither does the sickening sense of helplessness and powerlessness. It really doesn’t feel as though he’s simply just drunk, and he utters as much to the guys waiting with him. 

They all look sympathetic when he says that. “Just tell us if you feel like you’re gonna pass out or something,” one of them insists. “So we’ll call an ambulance straight away and not wait for you to faint and shit.”

Time loses all meaning as all he can focus on is throwing up, dry heaving and trying to respond to the questions the guys ask him to constantly check that he’s still somewhat functional and conscious. He doesn’t know how long it takes until finally, finally a car pulls up in front of them and out steps a tall man whose face he doesn’t at first recognize, but it’s five seconds later that he finally realizes that it’s Sehun. 

Out of all people in his contact list, he called Sehun. He should have deleted his number.

Sehun wastes no time in scooping him up from the curb where he’s seated down, grunting as he lifts him up. The motion makes Junmyeon gag but at this point his stomach is already empty, so nothing comes up. If Sehun says anything to the guys who were looking after him, Junmyeon doesn’t hear, and soon he’s seated inside Sehun’s car and strapped into his seat. 

“Just hold on tight, I’ll take you home. Your place, because it’s closer, alright?”

The drive isn’t long and time is oddly warped, passing slow and fast at the same time, and Sehun parking the car once more takes Junmyeon completely by surprise. “You’re going to have to give me more directions, now,” Sehun says, leaning over the middle console to make eye contact with Junmyeon. “You never told me your exact address but I need it now. Is this the closest that I can park the car?”

How would Junmyeon know? Parking is not something he has ever had to worry about, so he just says yes. Sehun replies with a terse nod before he gets out of the car to walk around it to Junmyeon’s side and pull him out on his arms once more. “Alright. Direct me. Where to?”

Junmyeon is so disoriented and really struggles with his focus, but so perhaps Sehun worries he might not be able to even tell left from right. The narrow winding streets with no names or numbers are practically a maze, and there are only a few landmarks, but Junmyeon manages to guide them there. Sehun keeps mostly quiet, but his breathing turns heavy as he has to walk up steep hills. He still doesn’t put Junmyeon down though, not even when they finally make it to Junmyeon’s apartment complex. Articulating the numbers to the door codes proves too challenging though, but muscle memory allows him to punch them in after a couple of tries, both for the front door as well as the door to his small apartment. 

Sehun says nothing of the state of mess that it’s in, and carries him inside and lays him down on the bed. “Just stay there, I’ll take care of you. Daddy will take care of you, Jun, okay?”

Junmyeon closes his eyes, basking in the warmth that comes over him. Everything feels right in this world, hearing Sehun speak those words to him again. He trusts Sehun, trusts his ability to care for him. He was scared before, but not anymore. It doesn’t even matter what is currently rushing in his veins; Sehun will make it all better somehow. 

Sehun rummages around in the apartment, looking for supplies. He brings a plastic bag to Junmyeon’s bedside for him to throw up into, since he doesn’t have a bucket that could be used, and a wet cool towel on his forehead before he goes to the fridge to rummage through it. He makes a surprised yelp when he pulls the door open, hunched over to stare inside it.

“Jun- don’t tell me you don’t have anything edible in this house at all?”

He doesn’t answer that. He doesn’t have to; Sehun opens the two cabinets he has and sees immediately that they, too, are nearly empty of food. Junmyeon already exhausted his supplies and was putting off buying anything new, because it would take such a big chunk out of whatever money he has left and he’s been so depressed food has been the last thought on his mind. He’s been starving, but it was just something he had to accept. 

Shame burns in his tummy, and he turns his head away so he doesn’t have to face Sehun. Sehun slams the cabinet doors shut and comes to sit on the edge of the bed, hand gently cupping Junmyeon’s cheek. 

“No wonder you’ve lost weight,” Sehun murmurs. “So you didn’t make up with your parents after all. I knew it- I should have checked on you sooner.”

Sehun sighs heavily, and Junmyeon is overcome by a wave of emotion. He feels like he has disappointed Sehun, disappointed himself, and to be reunited with the man in this situation just makes it a hundred times more humiliating. He missed Sehun, but this is not how he wanted to be reunited. Junmyeon didn’t wish for Sehun to see the mess that he’s been in ever since they stopped seeing each other. 

“I’ll stay the night and I’ll take care of you until you feel better. Just tell me if you feel sick. We’ll talk in the morning.” Sehun doesn’t sound angry or upset, but Junmyeon doesn’t really care in this point in time.

They have to get him out of his dirtied clothes though, and Junmyeon lacks the presence of mind to be embarrassed about it on top of everything else he’s already feeling. Sehun helps him change into pajamas and afterwards he slips into bed next to Junmyeon without fuss and gathers Junmyeon close. The comfort of his embrace is welcome after the awful night Junmyeon’s had. He still feels terribly ill, but somehow he’s able to fall asleep soon afterwards, probably lulled to sleep by Sehun’s presence alone. He still feels safe with the man, even if they’ve been separated for a long while now. 

His rest is fitful, interrupted by nausea that grows stronger and then weaker in turn, but at least he doesn’t throw up anymore. Sehun has him drink a few gulps of water throughout the night, always rocking him back to sleep so he may rest some more. 

Morning comes, and it comes too bright and too loud. Junmyeon has a splitting headache that feels like someone is driving an axe into his skull through the back of his head, and his mouth tastes horrid. His eyes are swollen and his throat hurts, and all he wants to do is go back to sleep to escape this fate. But now that he’s aware of the pain, it doesn’t allow him to drift off once more. He rolls over to hide his face against the pillow and groans loudly in pain, the movement only adding to his suffering. 

“Sit up for a moment and take these. You’ll feel a little better after a while.” Sehun’s voice makes him roll over in surprise and blink his eyes open, for he had momentarily forgotten that the man was in his apartment. Sehun is standing there with a glass of water in one hand, two pills held in another. He’s fully dressed and looking sharp, and Junmyeon doesn’t know if he never stripped down for bed or if he already had time to get dressed. The apartment has been cleaned, though, so Sehun has been up for a while- and there’s breakfast, and fruits, on the small table that he has in his kitchenette. So Sehun has had time to not only clean, but run to the store and prepare a simple meal as well.

Junmyeon sits up carefully, and accepts Sehun’s offer wordlessly. The water goes down smoothly and doesn’t make his stomach turn instantly, so that’s something. He hands the glass back to Sehun who takes it to the sink before he sits down on the edge of Junmyeon’s bed again. 

They sit in silence for a while, neither of them knowing the right words. Sehun places his hand on Junmyeon’s leg, gently stroking up and down his chin. It’s not an intimate spot, but the touch carries the same warmth that Sehun used to shower him with. Junmyeon has to look away to try and hide how his expression changes as emotions pass through him. 

“Did you call me on purpose last night?” Sehun asks quietly, and Junmyeon has to shake his head even if he kind of doesn’t want to. “I couldn’t even see my phone last night, I just opened it and hoped to call someone… But I’m glad it was you.” Not a lot of his friends, or other people in his contacts, would have known how to handle such a situation.  
Sehun nods thoughtfully. “I’m glad it was me, too. I’m glad I was able to help you.”

“Thank you.” That doesn’t even cover the level of gratitude Junmyeon feels for Sehun, who came to his rescue in the middle of the night from other side of the river, the other side of town, and carried him home to look after him. But he doesn’t know how else to say it- what else would suffice. 

Sehun flashes a small smile. “I see you haven’t been faring as well as I hoped,” he says, and Junmyeon can tell he’s trying to be polite about it. “I kind of knew that you were lying to me about making up with your parents, but I didn’t want to push and ask… I should have checked up on you, I really should have. I’m sorry I turned a blind eye when I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to be meddling too much, but I also didn’t want you to suffer or starve.”

He sounds genuinely upset, and Junmyeon hangs his head down. “I’m sorry,” he says without fully understanding why he feels like he needs to. “I’m sorry about all this. I’m sorry I lied… But I thought I needed a reason to give you.”

“I wouldn’t have asked you why even if you hadn’t given me any explanation at all,” Sehun assures him, squeezing his leg. “You had, and still have, every right to do as you want. I wasn’t going to keep you with me forcefully.”

And it’s the truth. Sehun never wanted any harm to him, and Junmyeon was always free to just leave. But it’s too late to do anything about it now. He rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms, trying really hard not to cry but it’s futile. He’s been fighting this fight for a long time now, and he’s just tired. The memory of the comfort Sehun was able to provide him with by just being there is vivid, and it’d be so easy to go back into his arms. Knowing that it’s not a possibility is what makes it so unbearable. 

Hands reach out to cup his cheeks and to lift his head up, Sehun having shifted closer to him. He looks sad, even if not heartbroken, and the gentle touch triggers Junmyeon’s tears even more. They look at each other wordlessly for a moment, before Sehun whispers, “Could you not come back to me? I’d take care of you… I wouldn’t let this happen to you.”

It’s an offer Junmyeon shouldn’t refuse, but he has to shake his head in response. “I can’t,” he hiccups. “I can’t come back.”

The silence lingers as Sehun considers his words. “Can I ask you why?” he sounds cautious, unsure if he’s allowed to ask that. Junmyeon doesn’t want to lie, doesn’t have the strength to conceal his feelings, and so the truth must come out.

“Because I fell in love with you, and we agreed that it wasn’t okay,” he whispers, hunching over to hide his face in his lap. But instead, Sehun makes a soft noise and reaches for him, pulls him into his arms, and holds him steady there. Junmyeon can’t fight it, instead leaning into the touch and sobbing against Sehun’s shoulder. 

Warm hands stroke up and down his back as Sehun tries to comfort him, rocking him gently back and forth, pressing kisses against Junmyeon’s cheek. “Silly baby boy,” Sehun murmurs into his ear, and he sounds like he’s swallowing back tears as well. “You’re so silly Jun…”

Junmyeon cries harder. “I know,” he sobs, “I know! I tried not to but I couldn’t help it and I know I’m so stupid!”

Sehun laughs, then, still emotional. “No, no, that’s not what I meant. You’re silly because you just left me without telling me- without giving me a chance to tell you how I felt the same. But I guess I only have myself to blame for it, it was me who made the rules. You were just obediently following them like the good boy that you are… I just hope you had been a little less selfless, so we wouldn’t have had to go through all this.”

The confession is beyond shocking, and Junmyeon jerks his head up to stare at Sehun with wide eyes to see if he’s honest. And he is; he’s looking up at Junmyeon with a sincere look on his face, his eyes teared up. Sehun has always been nothing but trustworthy, and as such Junmyeon has no reason to doubt his words- it’s just so sudden, and an outcome he would have never expected to have.

“Are you serious?” he wonders out loud, cupping Sehun’s cheeks. “Are you really serious?”

Sehun nods eagerly, smiling small. “I am. I am dead serious. I really did develop feelings… I guess I was too good at hiding them.”

“This can’t be happening,” Junmyeon exclaims, still in disbelief. “I had no idea- I thought you’d never, I thought you’d never want a real relationship. I can’t… I can’t believe that all I had to do was get wasted in Hongdae to… to have you back…” 

It’s entirely too much to handle, emotionally and psychologically. He’s had a long night, and even longer couple of months before that. Junmyeon crumples in Sehun’s arms then to cry, to cry to his heart’s content, weeping as Sehun holds him, talking to him softly to try and help calm him down. It’s too much to take in and it doesn’t feel real, so when he eventually passes out from exhaustion in Sehun’s embrace, it just feels like an end of a dream. 

But when he wakes up, Sehun is there to tell him the truth. It’s going to take time to repair everything Junmyeon messed up, and it’s not going to be easy to figure out how to have a healthier relationship especially if Sehun is still going to keep financially supporting him, but at least they’ve found out that they stand a chance in achieving that. 

It seems too good to be true, too much of a fairytale ending, but perhaps fate does really exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter took a little longer to write than I had hoped. I didn't plan to take forever to get it done, but the semester began and I also was sick for a while. I'm not sure if this fic turned out as good as I hoped- not that I had great plans or anything, but even so. I'm a bit disappointed about some of the parts in this story but I know I would never get it published if I made myself edit it. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who supported me along the way and left comments! I'm not sure when I'll be back with a new story so, don't hold your breath.


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